In exactly one month from today my rent will increase by $800*. I don't currently have the means to pay that hefty sum (hence the job search) and I'm not gonna sugar coat this shit with new age cliches. *[Yes I know about the 2% increase law but that doesn't apply when you go from rent geared to income to full market rent which is the case]
Maybe something will line up by then and maybe it won't and I'll deal with that when it comes.
The biggest challenge for me was just adjusting myself to the idea of working outside of the home in a big way when all I wanted to do was stay inside and continue to build all the cool shit I'm working on that will eventually make me more money.
But life is saying, "Honey, that's not gonna cut it right now. Let's get you a secure income so that you can relax about your place and/or have the means to move to another one, and you can keep doing all your fun stuff during the hours that you're home. I promise the one won't eclipse the other and I know that's your greatest fear."
Of all the things I've gone through in life, this is actually nothing by comparison.
I already did the hard stuff in life.
This is just different stuff than I've been doing for the past many years.
Ultimately it's not a biggie to get a job and work full-time for a period of time while I continue to work on my real work, but it does takes time to line that up and it's taken some time to be ok with the idea itself.
I'm ok with it now. This isn't the end of the world. Just the ending of a chapter.
And now that I've accepted the fact that getting a job will give me what I'm most in need of at this stage, I'm cool with it and I'll do awesome at it.
And for me the biggest YAY about this happened yesterday when I shifted my mindset from feeling like a failure for not already being financially secure enough from my own stuff to withstand the new rent - to showing myself all that I've created in that time and what my priorities have always been and how well I did on so little while aiming for the big leagues.
That's nothing to be ashamed of.
I've planted so many seeds for myself and just because they aren't bearing fruit yet doesn't mean my efforts were in vain. Doesn't mean I failed. Doesn't mean they won't be paying all my bills in the future.
It just means they've been planted.
And it's time to get money so that I can keep planting.
With love and so much on the way,
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