Narc Shit

Mandy Bites On Narcissism

  1. Sometimes you’re their karma.

  2. It’s all your own (un)doing.

  3. To blame the ‘narcissist’ for ‘manipulating’ you into ignoring that initial gut feeling and your brilliant inner knowing is absolutely absurd.

  4. The real ‘no contact’ is with the abuser in your head.

  5. Going ‘no contact’ does nothing if you’re still energetically bound.

  6. Everything that surfaced through your dance with the ‘narcissist’ was there long before you two met.

  7. No one has the power to pull you into the lower, let alone keep you there.

  8. The nightmare grants you access to the dream that was always there.

  9. When someone is free, they appear narcissistic to those still bound by themselves.

  10. Being with someone ugly steals your pretty. I’m not talking about looks. But those go, too.

  11. Why are you mad at them for your choice to betray yourself?

  12. You only point at others when you’ve turned against yourself.

  13. It’s not: “Why are they like that?” It’s: “Why am I with that?”

  14. “WhY iS tHiS pErSoN wHo sHoWeD mE riGhT fRoM tHe sTaRt tHaT tHeY aiN’t riGhT iN tHe hEaD… nOt aCtiNg riGhT?”

  15. Avoiding ‘toxic’ people isn’t the solution (or even possible). Becoming clean yourself is.

  16. The next one won’t be better. The same work will meet you there, too.

  17. It stops when you do.

  18. Waking up shatters every fantasy.

  19. Why manage something you shouldn’t be fucking with at all?

  20. The ‘narcissist’ isn’t the villain. They simply exposed you to you.

  21. The ‘narcissist’ doesn’t need to change. You do.

  22. The ‘narcissist’ is only the symptom. The actual problem is you.

  23. The ‘narcissist’ treats you as poorly as you’ve been treating yourself.

  24. The ‘narcissist’ shows you precisely where you’ve yet to stand your power.

  25. The ‘narcissist’ is the inversion of truth.

  26. The ‘narcissist’ IS the lie. So every deception is a function of that.

  27. The ‘narcissist’ sticks around until you stop blaming another for what you’re doing to yourself.

  28. The ‘narcissist’ doesn’t hold any real power to derail you or your life. You’ve been doing that all by yourself through your choice to yield to them.

  29. The ‘narcissist’ lies to themself more than they ever lied to you.

  30. The ‘narcissist’ is just as surprised as you are that you keep taking it.

  31. The war, the hell was (already) within. Perfectly out-pictured through ‘abuse’.

  32. You’re ‘trauma-bonded’ to you; not them.

  33. You weren’t deceived. You knew. And chose to believe something else.

  34. You only vilify another to justify your long-overdue and perpetually ignored NO.

  35. The devil will never announce his arrival. Your system always will.

  36. Don’t play games with those who play dirty.

  37. Ignore the words. Feel what’s true.

  38. Hearts don’t break. Attachments do.

  39. Break ups don’t break what needs breaking.

  40. You question it because it’s not IT.

  41. Your willingness and capacity to suffer with and for another is not love (for yourself or the other).

  42. Do the work within the current dynamic.

  43. When you’ve actually had enough of it, you won’t have to try. It will just be done.

  44. Why would you need to forgive? What happened wasn’t wrong. Nor was it about you.

  45. Regardless of the ‘issue’, it’s about your relationship to power.

  46. If you can’t see the absolute perfection behind a ‘bad’ experience, even the ‘worst’ experience of your life, then you haven’t gone deep enough. You haven’t extracted your gold.

  47. Why would you put the mentally ill (human) in charge of your life?

  48. No need to show them the door. They’ll escort themselves out naturally, the closer you stay to you.

  49. The other’s moves are what you point to and use, to justify your inability to harness your power.

  50. If the pain runs deep, the power does, too. Most fear the latter, so they settle on the former.

  51. You get what you say yes to. And all the shit that brings.

  52. If you only have it because you’re holding on, you don’t have it. It has you.

  53. Most would rather have another cater / adapt to their dysfunction(s) and delusion(s) than to do the work necessary to correct it themselves. #fillinthegapsifyouloveme

  54. It hurts so you can learn how to not do that shit that hurts you.

  55. What you’ve yet to own, owns you.

  56. It’s no one’s job to keep you stable. It’s your job to contend with your own instability.

  57. You lied to yourself before (and more than) they ever lied to you.

  58. It’s all your own (un)doing.

  59. What felt tragic becomes comedic once you actually see through it.

  60. You are the engine that keeps the dysfunctional train going.

  61. If you weren’t trying to outsource from another what you can only provide for yourself, you would not have ended up in something that hurts you.

  62. Exposure is love (mis)perceived as a threat.

  63. They didn’t (and can’t) hide who they are. It was (and is) in plain view.

  64. Let a ‘thank you’ follow the ‘fuck you’.

  65. Revoke access.

  66. You determine the price of admission.

  67. It’s not ‘victim’ blaming. It’s adult responsibility-taking.

  68. It was never about them. And what they did or didn’t do was never about you, either.

  69. True ‘justice’ is reclaiming your power from everything and everyone you gave it to.

  70. You can’t reason with insanity.

  71. The more you self-abandon, the more symptomatic you become.

  72. “They need to be held accountable.” Actually, they don’t.

  73. Once you hold yourself accountable, you won’t need that from another.

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Clean + Dirty Narc (An Essay)

The ‘narcissist’ is the inversion of truth.

They are a void.

But not a clean one.

The void is compensatory.

They don’t care about you.

But not in a clean way.

The lack of care is compensatory.

They are selfish.

But not in a clean way.

The selfishness is compensatory.

They use things and others.

But not in a clean way.

Their using is compensatory.

And…

when someone IS a clean void

when someone truly doesn’t care (about illusions / matter / appearances / the false and self-victimized you)

when someone IS ‘selfish’ (self-sourced / in energetic integrity / unwavering / true move making regardless of others)

when someone uses ALL things and people (to sharpen, to erect, to deepen and purify themselves)

they appear narcissistic

to those still bound by themselves

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The Beautiful Thing About Narcissistic Abuse (An Essay)

The beautiful thing about ‘narcissistic abuse’…

(hear me out - and quotation marks because on the deepest level it’s not abuse of any kind - it’s a self-generated invitation to MORE)

is that it fundamentally changes you.

In that it propels you even more deeply and fully into YOU.

Into your power.

Into actual truth.

If that’s what you choose.

Stripping you of all the illusions / delusions that once brought and kept you dancing with the devil at the expense of yourself -

a choice you actively made.

The ‘narcissist’ wasn’t your kryptonite.

They didn’t hold any real power to derail you or your life.

It was everything that surfaced through your dance with them that was truly holding you back.

* that part *

And it was there looooooong before you two ever met.

The ‘narcissist’ was just the vehicle through which you could see your blind spots more clearly and if you were up for it - correct them accordingly.

This so-called monster was nothing more than an interchangeable player in your game because let’s face it…

If it wasn’t THAT narc it would be another narc until you learned what you needed to learn.

Until YOU changed.

Not them.

Because it was never about them.

And what they did or didn’t do was never about you either.

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Welcome The Narc (An Essay)

You’d be much better off viewing the presence of a ‘narcissist’ in your life as a good thing.

A great thing, in fact.

Especially if they’re still ruffling your feathers.

They are here to show you yourself.

To show you precisely where you’ve veered from who you are and where you’ve yet to stand in your power.

(Your pretty feathers couldn’t get ruffled by an energetic toddler otherwise)

They are the messenger - and a powerful one at that - brought into your life (by YOU, my friend) to bring all of your shit to the surface - to be trampled on even more - until you’re forced and ready to do your work.

They aren’t the villain.

They simply exposed you - to you.

They electrified you.

Crucified you.

Which then erected you to your natural state.

So let a ‘thank you’ follow the ‘fuck you.’

If it weren’t for them,

these devilish friends,

you’d still be (energetically) weak.

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A Mighty Fine Loss (An Essay)

If you weren’t trying to outsource from another what you can only provide for yourself,

you would not have ended up in something that hurts you.

You would not feel betrayed.

Or believe yourself to be a victim.

The good news is that the part that hurts isn’t the real you anyways.

The pain is from your illusion(s) / attachments being shattered (as they should be / needed to be).

And facing the reality that only you can ‘save’ yourself (come into full power) - instead of depending on someone or something else to enable and feed your (perceived) powerlessness.

Losing the delusion that someone else is responsible for how you feel, for where you are, for what you chose / choose, for what comes next…

is a mighty fine ‘loss’ and the greatest gift of all.

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The Internal Holocaust (An Essay)

What was brought to the surface through the internal holocaust that is ‘narcissistic abuse’…

was already buried deep inside of you before this creature appeared.

That vacuous energy,

that disordered little ghost,

the one that had you spinning out of control…

held no real power or ability to generate a thing inside of you;

let alone something brand new.

Its existence in your field simply provided the exact configuration to rattle the cage you were already in.

And its mission was to do that until you finally let yourself out.

The ‘narcissist’ didn’t put or keep you there.

You were being shown precisely where you were already.

In a cage you had built yourself.

You were being faced with a level of density you’d been contending with all your life; albeit unconsciously, through the one(s) you chose to dance with as you died to each (illusory) piece.

If anything, you had entered a house of mirrors.

Waging a war with what you thought was ‘out there’.

But in reality,

the war,

and the hell,

was (already) within.

Perfectly out-pictured through ‘abuse’.

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The Narcissistic Invitation (An Essay)

The ‘narcissist’ was the symptom.

The ‘problem’ was you.

The problem was your orientation towards yourself.

The problem was what you were not yet conscious of.

The problem was that you were looking outside instead of in.

Which isn’t actually a problem.

It’s just an opportunity.

And it was the ‘narcissist’ that hand-delivered that opportunity to you.

Serving you up to yourself until you finally got it right.

Until you saw yourself clearly and naturally moved accordingly.

Until you stopped blaming others for what you were doing to yourself.

Until you took all the responsibility you were handing over to them.

Sure, they were ‘using’ you for ‘supply’.

So what?

You were using them to become even greater.

They were the catalyst that catapulted you into the stratosphere of genuine power.

If, and only if, you were smart enough to do the work.

So the ‘narcissist’ was never the problem.

They were the gift.

The invitation.

The initiation.

Into you.

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Don't Blame The Narc (An Essay)

To blame the ‘narcissist’ for ‘manipulating’ you into ignoring that initial gut feeling and your brilliant inner knowing is absolutely absurd.

Own your choice to ignore yourself to gain something else from them.

It’s not ‘victim’ blaming.

It’s adult responsibility taking.

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Undercover Narc (An Essay)

Only the powerless feel the need to deceive.

To hide, to perform, to resort to secrecy.

To control, to manipulate, to exploit and to take.

And only because they’ve (temporarily) forgotten how powerful they actually are, and mistakenly believe they must swindle the world to get what they actually want.

But what’s rightfully theirs already exists.

Beyond the need to fabricate a thing.

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It's Harrowing (An Essay)

“It’s harrowing”…

to drop the mask

to face yourself

to have nowhere to hide

“It’s harrowing”…

to admit what you’ve done

to run from yourself

to keep trudging along

“It’s harrowing”…

to keep up the act

to now watch your back

to now be exposed

“It’s harrowing”…

to be what you are

when what you’ve become

is so far from home

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Going No Contact (An Essay)

Going ‘no contact’ achieves nothing if you’re still energetically bound.

It provides a temporary buffer at most, for you to start getting your shit together by breaking shit apart.

But if you’re not doing the actual work of addressing and correcting what led to this twisted dynamic that you’re now needing / trying to extract yourself from,

you’ll just be going ‘no contact’ with the next one and the next and the next until you finally see that you are the source of the fucked up dynamic;

not them.

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Thrown Off My Game (An Essay)

if it didn’t destroy me

if parts of me weren’t forced to die

repeatedly

and quite potently

through the is-ness of he and i

there’d be no pull for me to stay

- not with him -

but with all that arises

through the mutual destruction that our interactions bring

this alone is what interests me

because i’m interested in what disturbs me

and i’m interested in the art of becoming less disturbed

by what throws me off my game

(Peep this Mandy Bite)

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Obliteration Dance (An Essay)

I chose him precisely because of the density.

The grit.

For the perceived dysfunction that would highlight my own so I could erect what had long been limp.

I used him to purify myself.

To be stripped even further.

To stay until nothing was left.

From the outside, it looked insane.

And to my human, it felt like hell.

But obliteration was what I was after.

Why else would I have danced right there.

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