Addiction

Mandy Bites On Addiction

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  1. What you’ve yet to own, owns you.

  2. Doing or not doing won’t correct what needs correcting.

  3. Love doesn’t enable dysfunction.

  4. The perfect distraction leads to forced concentration on the thing you weren’t willing to face.

  5. If they run from themselves, they’ll run from you, too.

  6. Stop looking for something to hide behind.

  7. We each create exactly what we’re inevitably here to dissolve.

  8. It’s the inability to withstand the intense aliveness of being that drives the impulse to dilute or run from it, just as the inability to withstand it drives the impulse to seek that same jolt of aliveness through superficial means.

  9. There is a purity, an innocence, and a very clean desire, at the heart of every addiction and compulsion.

  10. If the pain runs deep, the power does, too. Most fear the latter, so they settle on the former.

  11. When you’ve deviated from the truth and natural movements of your being (a complete betrayal to your system), the only way to live with that internal split is to distract yourself with self-created 'issues’ that would not exist (and ultimately don't) had you remained in your power (your natural state) in the first place.

  12. The addiction itself is not the issue. What’s sourcing the pattern of addiction IS. And even that is not an issue.

  13. It’s no one’s job to keep you stable. It’s your job to contend with your own instability.

  14. You are the only remedy for your suffering.

  15. You created X when you disowned the truth. When you own the truth, X disappears.

  16. You couldn’t end up with an ‘addict’ unless you were also an ‘addict’ yourself.

  17. Stop leaving here to go ‘there’ and the ‘problem’ dissolves.

  18. Addiction is what you choose in lieu of owning and applying your power.

  19. It hurts so you can learn how to not do that shit that hurts you.

  20. What's a little more poison when you're already sick?

  21. Every descent reaps more gold.

  22. The only ‘tool’ you actually need is custom-built into each moment.

  23. You don’t actually want to be saved. You want to be the Master of yourself and the domain that’s housed by you.

  24. You ‘struggle’ where you’ve yet to own and apply your power.

  25. Stop buying into your own bullshit and you’ll be just fine.

  26. One must abandon themselves in the attempt to fill through external means what can only be satisfied internally through learning how to not self-abandon in the first place.

  27. Once upon a time, I fed myself to a wolf. I knew he was a wolf. And I wanted to be devoured.

  28. Your willingness and capacity to suffer with and for another, is not love (for yourself or the other).

  29. You only need to ‘cope’ when you choose to leave home.

  30. Regardless of the ‘issue’, it’s about your relationship to power.

  31. You only feel the need to ‘escape’ when you’re existing unnaturally.

  32. Addiction is the perfect way to ineffectively manage the discomfort of an inner deviation.

  33. Your ‘issues’ are adaptations you created in lieu of being you.

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Stop Feeding It (An Essay)

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You starve it by not feeding it.

Inwardly, that’s what you do.

“The ignored guest quickly leaves.”

So give it no reason to stay.

You can entertain the chaos.

The insanity.

The mind.

Go into the depths of hell.

Then post about your dark night.

Tell others about that ‘necessary’ initiation.

The ‘generational trauma’ that ‘lives in your bones’.

Be commended on your strength for ‘facing the beast’.

(aka enduring yourself at the hands of yourself and calling it by another name)

Sure, you can do that.

But you could also not.

You feed the pain because you get off on it.

When you’re done getting off,

it’s gone.

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The Denser It Gets (An Essay)

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when you perpetually self-abandon

the denser it gets

and when you do this over an extended period of time

that density

that was once only energetic

becomes matter

becomes ‘illness’ (both mental and physical)

because your system was not designed for such a deviation

it was designed to let you know all you need to know

to remain clean and intact

forevermore

so when you choose to ignore that knowing

over and over and over again

your brilliant system will turn up the volume until it just can’t be ignored

until you have no choice but to honour what you know and have always known

so even your ‘sickness’ (both mental and physical)

is still your system being brilliant as fuck

it never fails you

even when you ‘fail’ (deny) yourself

it speaks to you

for as long as it takes

until you finally listen

and choose to obey

and once you do

the ‘sickness’ dissolves

because it only arose

to point the way home

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If You Really Love Me (An Essay)

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Most would rather have another cater / adapt to their dysfunction(s) / delusion(s) than to do the work necessary to correct it themselves.

And most would rather do that for another,

to avoid their own discomfort

of having to take that same level of responsibility

for their own deficiencies.

#letsstaysmalltogether

#fillinthegapsifyouloveme

#thatswhattheycalllove

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The Diagnosis (An Essay)

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The ‘thing’ about a diagnosis / label…

is that it’s a thing.

Which exists only as a concept / ‘reality’ on the level of form.

But beneath and beyond that, is the actual truth.

Free of all concepts / ideas / illusions of constraint.

Free of the need to attach meaning to things.

And free of the necessity to label such things.

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Obliteration Dance (An Essay)

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I chose him precisely because of the density.

The grit.

For the perceived dysfunction that would highlight my own so I could erect what had long been limp.

I used him to purify myself.

To be stripped even further.

To stay until nothing was left.

From the outside, it looked insane.

And to my human, it felt like hell.

But obliteration was what I was after.

Why else would I have danced right there?

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Deviating From What's Natural (An Essay)

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When you’ve deviated from the truth and natural movements of your being (a complete betrayal to your system), the only way to live with that internal split is to distract yourself with self-created 'issues’ that would not exist (and ultimately don't) had you remained in your power (your natural state) in the first place.

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The Pattern Of Addiction (An Essay)

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Addiction is an energetic pattern.

It’s not about the form / substance / person.

They’re interchangeable.

And until you succeed in shifting what actually needs shifting (which goes beyond just stopping something in the physical), you’ll naturally and inevitably replace one addiction with another.

You’ll unknowingly redirect that same addictive and still very active pattern to another spot (and likely return to the original spot), unaware that the pattern itself bleeds across the board until it actually gets cleaned up.

Even if you do manage to stop A, B or C in the physical, either temporarily or for good (which you take as proof that something has changed - that you have changed),

unless you also make the energetic shift required to dissolve the pattern altogether, nothing has truly changed at all.

You just ‘quit’ that one thing, only to continue the same pattern with this or the next thing, thereby proving that the specific addiction was never the actual issue.

What’s sourcing the pattern of addiction, IS.

And until that’s ‘resolved’ (seen through and turned back into nothing), it’s gonna keep shape shifting and fucking you up.

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Filling In Another's Perceived Gaps (An Essay)

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You only try to fill in the (perceived) gaps for another when you forget that they are sovereign, just like you.

And you can only forget another’s sovereignty when you have forgotten your own (cue a false sense of superiority) which is the only reason you’d ever feel the need to over-reach in the first place.

Your discomfort with where another is choosing to be at (yes, choosing — there are no victims and no one needs saving) generates your over-extension in an attempt to relieve yourself of said discomfort which actually has nothing to do with what the other is or isn’t doing / seeing / getting in that moment.

This is what feeds your desire to change / correct what’s being presented to whatever you deem ‘better’ / more ‘evolved’ than what they’re currently choosing for themselves,

which inevitably breeds resistance and stagnation; not clarity and movement, because the energy of your so-called help is tainted aka sourced from a false premise to begin with.

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The Daddy Thingy Of Addiction (An Essay)

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From a recent text chat with my cyber bestie…

Her: “People believe they are the thingy.”

Me: “Yes.”

Her: “Which is the problem with identifying as an addict because it says I am my thingy.”

Me: “Yep.”

Her: “And people with the biggest thingys are often the ones who are most potent.”

Me: “Exactly. They wouldn’t need a thingy so big if they weren’t so powerful.”

Her: “But shame is a whole thing, too. Shame is the core thing. It’s the Daddy Thingy.”

Me: “Yep. And the being doesn’t carry shame at all. It’s just another thingy to fuel all the other thingies.”

Her: “And things need space held for them.”

Me: “Yep.”

Her: “Which eats up space / power.”

Me: “Yep.”

Her: “Hungry thingys.”

Me: “Yep lol”

Her: “Insatiable thingys.”

Me: “Feed all the thingies!”

Her: “lol”

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Escaping Through Addiction (An Essay)

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Her: “I think of my addiction as escapism and I’m curious about your thoughts on that.”

Being energetically intact (operating from our innate power) is our natural state.

And it’s glorious.

So what’s to escape from? 

We only feel the need to ‘escape’ when we’re existing unnaturally. 

And addiction is the perfect way to ineffectively ‘manage’ the discomfort of that inner deviation.

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