Breaking Boundaries
My experience of love is contingent upon what’s stripped away;
not on what’s added up.
The amount of time.
The layers of meaning.
The stories that are amassed.
Nah.
Seeing through lies.
The stories that die.
The dissolution of matter and meaning.
Accumulation doesn’t impress or interest me.
I prefer things light; not heavy.
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I’m exacting.
Because no level of compromise is required.
You can only say YES to what can be seen.
And I only want what has yet to be dreamed.
Which can only come from saying NO.
Especially to a YES.
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Months ago while telling a friend about a moment with the fella that I was a HELL NAW to, she asked if I help a guy to shift the things that I’m not into, or if I just end things because of it.
My response:
I only do what the moment requires of me.
Whatever that may be.
Me making my true move does exactly what needs to be done.
Across the board.
With everyone.
I dropped deal breakers / boundaries / standards long ago.
They aren’t necessary.
And no, I don’t ‘help’ the fella shift his shit because that, too, is unnecessary.
He’s grown.
And his moves are not my business.
He can be however he wants to be.
I’ll make my moves accordingly.
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I don’t need the sex to get better every time.
I need our SEX to be true every time.
Which makes all the things,
including the sex,
the very best
every time.
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It’s not “How do I?” (lose the weight / make the money / get the partner / whatever the fuck).
It’s listen and obey.
That’s it.
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“How do I?” is sourced from a lie.
It implies that something is wrong / lacking and clearly needs fixing.
You think you need to lose the weight / make the money / get the partner / overcome the condition (whatever the fuck) to feel / be / do / have A, B, C.
But you don’t.
Be HERE.
Right NOW.
And do whatever you’re being called to do in each moment.
Illusory problem(s) solved.
But because you can’t handle the beauty and simplicity of being present in the moment,
or the responsibility of both listening to and honouring your innate brilliance,
or the potency of the fire that comes from being THAT close and devoted to YOU regardless of externals,
and you’re hell bent on fighting against what IS because of your idea of, and preference for, how it ‘should’ be,
you take the long and completely ineffective way around the truth and power of who you are.
Any attempt to ‘fix’ what’s inherently not a ‘problem’ in the first place, cannot be sustained because it’s both sourced from, and being overlayed with, a fallacy.
Creating an endless loop of shit that never does the trick.
You think it’s about the food / the money / the body / the babe.
But it’s only ever about you vs YOU, which shows up in all the things.
And…
When you begin to see through it,
when you get to the place where you KNOW you’re good regardless of your size / your bank account / a relationship / your health (whatever the fuck),
and you know that YOU are bigger than (and the creator of) ALL those things,
(because THAT is the absolute fucking truth)
THEN you’re free from the energetic gridlock that’s been keeping all that shit stuck like a mutherfucker.
THEN you get to experience what’s always been on the other side of that illusory jail you’ve kept yourself in this whole time.
But until you figure that out and get to that place,
your perfectly orchestrated externals are gonna do their brilliant magic to show you that what you seek (and already are) cannot be found within any of them.
Every door ‘out there’ is gonna close until you finally open the only door that matters with the key you’ve always had.
Man, I just love how that works.
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You’re ‘bringing in’ the exact amount of money that’s ‘right’ for you every step of the way.
No matter how much or how little it is, it’s accurate.
Even if all you’re doing is creating more debt, it’s perfect.
Not permanent.
But still right / true / and 100% created by YOU.
You may want a different amount of money in your bank account.
Or more consistency.
Sure.
But YOU know that whatever is coming in / not coming in / being invested / being borrowed, is the accurate amount at the accurate speed for wherever you are right now.
No exceptions.
It is YOU orchestrating this exact scenario at this exact moment in time precisely for what you must cultivate through it regardless of what you think about it and how different you think it should be.
And this is across the board until the day you die as the guru and student of your own life.
But you fight against truth.
You fight against YOU.
Instead of honouring the brilliance of what’s unfolding.
Instead of doing the work that’s required of you to see through what’s in front of you.
Judging or blaming yourself / others / the world for what’s happening or not happening with ‘your’ money.
It’s never about the money / others / the world.
It’s about you vs YOU.
Always.
The dollars (or lack thereof) just perfectly show you what’s up.
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It takes so little to play with me.
But most are filled with so much.
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Him: “Already got the title for my first Reddit post: How to date a gay man trapped in the body of a woman who identifies as an alien cat.”
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“But I don’t have the money.”
Who said money is even required?
If it’s for you, meaning that desire is sourced from the absolute truth of YOU, it’s not dependent on you having the money right now.
You’re never limited to your own bank account or bound by the laws in the physical.
You absolutely CAN birth that desire from the ethers regardless of your current circumstance.
You have access to ALL possibilities.
Beyond what you can even imagine.
But your devotion to the physical, to what can be seen and measured in this moment, kills the magic on contact and reduces your options to none.
You believe that what you see is all there is, and that’s where you go wrong.
So you don’t even make your true move.
The exact move you’re being told to do that will actually dissolve the exact thing you misperceive is real.
The move that will open the floodgates to the MORE your being is pulling you towards RIGHT NOW.
The more you claim you want but aren’t even willing to step into.
Because you listen to the mind.
Because you refuse to go blind.
Because you operate within the illusion of time.
“I don’t have enough.”
“I can’t see how.”
“It must not be for me right now.”
While your whole being is screaming GO.
But since you have no money and you have no proof, you’re like NAH, BRUH.
I’ll stay right here.
In the place I’ve always been.
And that’s why you don’t get the thing, my friend.
You’ve ignored yourself once again.
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i don’t leave myself for him
he doesn’t leave himself for me
we remain intact
separately
the sole portal
to
true intimacy
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Codependency: wanting another to do for you what you’re unwilling to do for yourself.
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He doesn’t care about the orgasm.
Like me, he’s here for the experience.
SEX over sex.
Always.
Even when it includes sex or the orgasm.
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I wanted to start this post with, “I had the best SEX ever last night.”
Because that’s how I describe whatever truly hits my spot.
The best (fill in the blank) ever.
Because in the moment, that’s how it feels.
Floating in heaven.
Nothing can top THIS.
But more accurately, it’s just another delicious experience of presence and truth which always feels like heaven.
Yummy.
Delicious.
Swoon.
And as we played, it was so quiet.
So still.
Even amongst the sounds and movements.
It was the most natural dance with another.
With myself.
Through the other who is me.
A dance so fluid I didn’t notice the moves.
I only felt the dance.
I can’t even say that the SEX keeps getting better, deeper, richer…
because that would imply it was less so the first night and that wasn’t the case at all.
We moved beautifully and seamlessly and magically then as well.
Because presence in the NOW is as deep as it gets.
Playing for the first time EVERY time.
Why show up for less?
We’ve never replicated previous scenes.
Nor have we tried to create one.
Art is made in the moment.
Last night, another masterpiece.
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No one owes you a thing.
Not their time.
Attention.
Love.
Response.
Understanding.
Validation.
Explanation.
Support.
It’s either given freely or for a reason that’s untrue.
Either way, it’s still not owed to you.
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When you see through and exist beyond space and time, it’s a pretty fucking epic ride.
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