Breaking Boundaries

The Narcissistic Invitation (An Essay)

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The ‘narcissist’ was the symptom.

The ‘problem’ was you.

The problem was your orientation towards yourself.

The problem was what you were not yet conscious of.

The problem was that you were looking outside instead of in.

Which isn’t actually a problem.

It’s just an opportunity.

And it was the ‘narcissist’ that hand-delivered that opportunity to you.

Serving you up to yourself until you finally got it right.

Until you saw yourself clearly and naturally moved accordingly.

Until you stopped blaming others for what you were doing to yourself.

Until you took all the responsibility you were handing over to them.

Sure, they were ‘using’ you for ‘supply’.

So what?

You were using them to become even greater.

They were the catalyst that catapulted you into the stratosphere of genuine power.

If, and only if, you were smart enough to do the work.

So the ‘narcissist’ was never the problem.

They were the gift.

The invitation.

The initiation.

Into you.

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Don't Blame The Narc (An Essay)

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To blame the ‘narcissist’ for ‘manipulating’ you into ignoring that initial gut feeling and your brilliant inner knowing is absolutely absurd.

Own your choice to ignore yourself to gain something else from them.

It’s not ‘victim’ blaming.

It’s adult responsibility taking.

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Undercover Narc (An Essay)

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Only the powerless feel the need to deceive.

To hide, to perform, to resort to secrecy.

To control, to manipulate, to exploit and to take.

And only because they’ve (temporarily) forgotten how powerful they actually are, and mistakenly believe they must swindle the world to get what they actually want.

But what’s rightfully theirs already exists.

Beyond the need to fabricate a thing.

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It's Harrowing (An Essay)

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“It’s harrowing”…

to drop the mask

to face yourself

to have nowhere to hide

“It’s harrowing”…

to admit what you’ve done

to run from yourself

to keep trudging along

“It’s harrowing”…

to keep up the act

to now watch your back

to now be exposed

“It’s harrowing”…

to be what you are

when what you’ve become

is so far from home

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Going No Contact (An Essay)

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Going ‘no contact’ achieves nothing if you’re still energetically bound.

It provides a temporary buffer at most, for you to start getting your shit together by breaking shit apart.

But if you’re not doing the actual work of addressing and correcting what led to this twisted dynamic that you’re now needing / trying to extract yourself from,

you’ll just be going ‘no contact’ with the next one and the next and the next until you finally see that you are the source of the fucked up dynamic;

not them.

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You Left You (An Essay)

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Being in a ‘toxic’ / ‘abusive’ / ‘narcissistic’ relationship doesn’t erode your self-trust.

You never had it to begin with.

Hence said relationship.

You didn’t honour what you knew and felt from the start.

Because something else was more important to you.

And then shit went sideways as it inevitably would and you blamed the other for the hot mess you were in.

But it was you who left you to get something from them.

Instead of giving it to yourself.

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P.S. Being in a ‘healthy’ (or seemingly healthier) relationship post ‘toxic’ relationship, still isn’t IT if you’re now, once again, looking to another for what you’re still not generating for yourself, no matter how good it feels (for now), because whatever was not truly dealt with will inevitably rear its head).

You’re outsourcing from a ‘cleaner’ supply but you’re still outsourcing regardless.

#theylovemesonowilovemetoo

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Stop Feeding It (An Essay)

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You starve it by not feeding it.

Inwardly, that’s what you do.

“The ignored guest quickly leaves.”

So give it no reason to stay.

You can entertain the chaos.

The insanity.

The mind.

Go into the depths of hell.

Then post about your dark night.

Tell others about that ‘necessary’ initiation.

That ‘generational trauma’ that ‘lives in your bones’.

Be commended on your strength for ‘facing the beast’.

(For enduring yourself at the hands of yourself and calling it by another name)

Sure, you can do that.

But you could also not.

You feed the pain because you get off on it.

When you’re done getting off,

it’s gone.

(Peep this Mandy Bite)

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The Denser It Gets (An Essay)

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when you perpetually self-abandon

the denser it gets

and when you do this over an extended period of time

that density

that was once only energetic

becomes matter

becomes ‘illness’ (both mental and physical)

because your system was not designed for such a deviation

it was designed to let you know all you need to know

to remain clean and intact

forevermore

so when you choose to ignore that knowing

over and over and over again

your brilliant system will turn up the volume until it can’t be ignored

until you have no choice but to honour what you know and have always known

(you ALWAYS know)

so even your ‘sickness’ (both mental and physical)

is still your system being brilliant as fuck

it never fails you

even when you ‘fail’ (deny) yourself

it speaks to you

for as long as it takes

until you finally listen

and choose to obey

and once you do

the ‘sickness’ dissolves

because it only arose

to point the way home

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