Someone told me my energy is ‘too big’ and that’s why they ‘shrink’ (go energetically limp) when I’m around.
Guess they’ll have to figure that out.
#erectionsforeveryone
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Convos
Touché, Bitch (An Essay)
in Convos, Human Dynamics, Lovers, The NO, Mentoring, Cheeky Bitch, Essays, Grid
Talking with a friend in a relationship that’s been the biggest NO forfuckingever…
Her: “But I love his family.”
Me: “More than you love yourself?”
Her: “Touché, bitch.”
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P.S. If you’ve never referred to me as ‘bitch’ (not ‘a bitch’ — although that would still be a compliment), do you even love me?
And if I haven’t called you ‘bitch’ while hyped up in a private convo / message / work call, either celebrating you or calling you out, do I even love you?
Of course.
But it’s still fun to ponder.
The Passive Goodbye (An Essay)
“I wish things could be different.”
Translation: “I wish I could stay the same and also have you put up with all that entails, but since you’re holding me accountable and I’d need to do the actual work required of me for us to continue, I guess this is the end. But if you change your mind and want to settle for even less in the future, you can always count on me.”
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Your Verbal Line In The Sand (An Essay)
in Makin Moves, Essays, Convos, Words, Long
Me: “You verbally express it because you can’t energetically hold it.”
Her: “Is this always the case?”
No.
If they’re energetically backed, you can feel the power through whatever words you speak.
But it’s not the words themselves doing the speaking.
It’s the energy behind them.
The words are chosen but they’re not necessary to deliver the message, which is already felt and known with or without the words.
What I’m pointing to is the use of words (like setting boundaries) with no energetic backing — the reason you’re relying on words to deliver the message in the first place.
A message that won’t actually come through because the words are a compensation instead of a vehicle to deliver truth.
And since words can’t override the truth of where you are (or aren’t) and make what’s not true, true…
using words in an attempt to achieve what you’ve yet to earn energetically (and wouldn't need to name had you earned and achieved it already), demonstrates that split.
Get it?
You wouldn’t need to draw a line in the sand with words if the line was energetically there to begin with.
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Be More Like Hanna (An Essay)
in Zero Point, Human Dynamics, Essays, Convos, Long
Yesterday a guy asked me what I do for a living.
Because that’s what typical, boring, conditioned humans ask other typical, boring, conditioned humans.
#cosmicredflag
So I offered my typical response:
“I float through space.”
Because who fucking cares.
Because let’s play elsewhere.
We just met and I’m already bored.
And it made me think of my friend, Hanna.
(A dreamy guest of mine on Mandyland Radio)
Whenever we have a call or check in through message, she asks, “What’s alive in your world?”
And my being just swoons.
Because THAT’s the vibe.
#letsbemorelikehanna
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Our Final Form (An Essay)
“We haven’t reached our final form.”
And I agreed with him.
But we’ve reached a million ephemeral places.
And I’ve never felt more loved.
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The Daddy Thingy Of Addiction (An Essay)
From a recent text chat with my cyber bestie…
Her: “People believe they are the thingy.”
Me: “Yes.”
Her: “Which is the problem with identifying as an addict because it says I am my thingy.”
Me: “Yep.”
Her: “And people with the biggest thingys are often the ones who are most potent.”
Me: “Exactly. They wouldn’t need a thingy so big if they weren’t so powerful.”
Her: “But shame is a whole thing, too. Shame is the core thing. It’s the Daddy Thingy.”
Me: “Yep. And the being doesn’t carry shame at all. It’s just another thingy to fuel all the other thingies.”
Her: “And things need space held for them.”
Me: “Yep.”
Her: “Which eats up space / power.”
Me: “Yep.”
Her: “Hungry thingys.”
Me: “Yep lol”
Her: “Insatiable thingys.”
Me: “Feed all the thingies!”
Her: “lol”
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Escaping Through Addiction (An Essay)
Her: “I think of my addiction as escapism and I’m curious about your thoughts on that.”
Being energetically intact (operating from our innate power) is our natural state.
And it’s glorious.
So what’s to escape from?
We only feel the need to ‘escape’ when we’re existing unnaturally.
And addiction is the perfect way to ineffectively ‘manage’ the discomfort of that inner deviation.
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No Reassurance (An Essay)
in Human Dynamics, Lovers, Zero Point, Essays, Convos, Long
Him: “I know you’ll never give me reassurance.”
And why would I need to?
What IS speaks for itself.
He spoke of wanting something more solid.
Saying he knows he can’t ask or expect that of me.
And yet…
I’m as solid as can be (energetically).
He can always count on ME.
But his human wanted something concrete.
In the physical world of make-believe.
Where nothing is solid.
Where security can’t be found.
Not in a thing.
Not in another.
Just in the space one cannot claim.
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Walkie Talkie (An Essay)
in Mentoring, Human Dynamics, Makin Moves, Zero Point, Essays, Convos, Long
“You’re the only person I know who walks their talk. Completely.”
The result of doing the work.
Not just sometimes.
All the time.
With everything and everyone.
I’m relentless when it comes to my game and those I choose to play with.
Exceptions aren’t made.
Least of all for those I’m closest to.
Because doing the work and living in truth is the most loving thing I can do.
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His Moves Are Not My Business (An Essay)
in The NO, Makin Moves, Human Dynamics, Lovers, Essays, Triggered, Convos, Long
Months ago while telling a friend about a moment with the fella that I was a HELL NAW to, she asked if I help a guy to shift the things that I’m not into, or if I just end things because of it.
My response:
I only do what the moment requires of me.
Whatever that may be.
Me making my true move does exactly what needs to be done.
Across the board.
With everyone.
I dropped deal breakers / boundaries / standards long ago.
They aren’t necessary.
And no, I don’t ‘help’ the fella shift his shit because that, too, is unnecessary.
He’s grown.
And his moves are not my business.
He can be however he wants to be.
I’ll make my moves accordingly.
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He Gets Me (An Essay)
in Human Dynamics, Lovers, Convos, Essays
Him: “Already got the title for my first Reddit post: How to date a gay man trapped in the body of a woman who identifies as an alien cat.”
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Content With Less (An Essay)
Random guy in a 9-5 he hates after asking me about what I do…
Him: “I guess I’m not your ideal client then because I don’t need someone to fuck my shit up.”
Me: “You’re not my ideal client because you’re still content working in a 9-5 you hate.”
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When You Refuse To Go Blind (An Essay)
in Money, Makin Moves, Essays, Convos, Long
“But I don’t have the money.”
Who said money is even required?
If it’s for you, meaning that desire is sourced from the absolute truth of YOU, it’s not dependent on you having the money right now.
You absolutely CAN birth that desire from the ethers regardless of your current circumstance.
You’re never limited to your own bank account or bound by the laws in the physical.
You have access to ALL possibilities.
Beyond what you can even imagine.
But your devotion to the physical, to what can be seen and measured in this moment by your limited self, kills the magic on contact and reduces your options to none.
You believe that what you see is all there is, and that’s where you go wrong.
So you don’t even make your true move.
The exact move you’re being told to do that will actually dissolve the exact thing you misperceive is real.
The move that will open the floodgates to the MORE your being is pulling you towards RIGHT NOW.
The more you claim you want but aren’t even willing to step into.
Because you listen to the mind.
Because you refuse to go blind.
Because you operate within the illusion of time.
“I don’t have enough.”
“I can’t see how.”
“It must not be for me right now.”
While your whole being is screaming GO.
But since you ‘have no money’
(which is temporary)
and you have no proof
(but only externally)
you’re like NAH, BRUH.
“I’ll stay right here.
In the place I’ve always been.”
And that’s why you don’t get the thing, my friend.
You ignored yourself once again.
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My Sweet Existence (An Essay)
in SEX, Lovers, Convos, Zero Point, Essays
As we were walking to the restaurant after the most delicious experience with him to date…
Me: “I feel so relaxed and satisfied.”
Him: “You said the same thing when you got here after I asked you about your day.”
Me: “I guess that’s just how I exist.”
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A Lack of Empathy Points To This (An Essay)
When someone complains about my lack of empathy, all I hear is:
“I’m not yet willing to take full responsibility for my energetic state so I’m looking to you to fill in this uncomfortable gap between who I misperceive myself to be and the power I’ve yet to claim.”
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The Whole Thing Is Like A Movie (An Essay)
in SEX, Human Dynamics, Uncluttered, Lovers, Zero Point, Essays, Convos, Long
“The whole thing is like a movie.”
Him, last night, after our last few hours together before he leaves for a month.
When I tell him or others that he’s my favourite human, it’s because he is the purest.
Meaning, he has less shit in the way than anyone I’ve ever played with romantically.
Every being is pure, of course.
But most humans are drenched in matter.
Drowning in the abyss.
Overflowing with insanity.
Hard to reach from where it counts.
But not him.
Our experience is so light.
So empty.
Full of space and filled with life.
And the lived experience of that is a deep sense of calm and peace — one’s natural state.
Which creates an effortless, seamless, extraordinary dance.
A dream within a glorious dream.
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Truth Being Played Out (An Essay)
While talking with the fellow about our recent ‘disconnect’ (which is not how I experience it; it’s just truth being played out moment to moment):
Me: “You felt like I left?”
Him: “I never felt like I had you in the first place. You’re a mystery to me.”
Me: “Well, no one’s ever ‘had’ me. But you’ve had more of me than most.”
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Mount Royal (An Essay)
While talking about his previous dynamic…
Me: “Why did you end things?”
Him: “I couldn’t feel her.”
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It Needed To Be Broken (An Essay)
in Human Dynamics, Makin Moves, Lovers, Essays, Convos, Long
Kristen: “Will it break him if you don’t see him again?”
Me: “I don’t care. I don’t think of it. I just go scene to scene.”
I know how my detachment appears.
But attachment isn’t natural to the being.
It’s lodged in a story of some sort.
Meaning.
Matter.
Past.
Another.
It’s not that I don’t care about other people or what they go through.
It’s that I don’t care how their human is affected by me being Mandy.
I don’t take another into account when I make my moves.
Why would someone else have anything to do with what I know I must do?
Shall I factor in everyone I know and the world at large while I’m at it?
Give me a fucking break.
If something breaks, then good.
It clearly needed to be broken.
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