Essays
Wanna throw up?
Good.
It means you’re riding your edge or you’ve bypassed your NO.
Both of which bring you closer to HOME.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
Yesterday a guy asked me what I do for a living.
Because that’s what typical, boring and conditioned humans ask other typical, boring and conditioned humans.
#cosmicredflag
So I offered my typical response:
“I float through space.”
Because who fucking cares.
Because let’s play elsewhere.
We just met and I’m already bored.
And it made me think of my friend, Hanna.
(A dreamy guest of mine on Mandyland Radio)
Whenever we have a call or check in through message, she asks, “What’s alive in your world?”
And my being just swoons.
Because THAT’s the vibe.
#letsbemorelikehanna
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
Each piece tells me exactly what to do with it.
The when, the where, the what, the how.
The size, the colour(s), the shape, the length.
Where to begin.
And where to end.
It’s not my place to ask questions.
I listen and obey.
I always do what I’m told to do.
And that’s the art I make.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
“We haven’t reached our final form.”
And I agreed with him.
But we’ve reached a million ephemeral places.
And I’ve never felt more loved.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
You don’t do it because of that thing.
But that thing is there precisely because you aren’t doing it.
Do it despite that thing and that thing just disappears.
Don’t do it because of that thing and that thing stays right in place.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
Addiction is an energetic pattern.
It’s not about the form / substance / person.
They’re interchangeable.
And until you succeed in shifting what actually needs shifting (which goes beyond just stopping something in the physical), you’ll naturally and inevitably replace one addiction with another.
You’ll unknowingly redirect that same addictive and still very active pattern to another spot (and likely return to the original spot), unaware that the pattern itself bleeds across the board until it actually gets cleaned up.
Even if you do manage to stop A, B or C in the physical, either temporarily or for good (which you take as proof that something has changed - that you have changed),
unless you also make the energetic shift required to dissolve the pattern altogether, nothing has truly changed at all.
You just ‘quit’ that one thing, only to continue the same pattern with this or the next thing, thereby proving that the specific addiction was never the actual issue.
What’s sourcing the pattern of addiction, IS.
And until that’s ‘resolved’ (seen through and turned back into nothing), it’s gonna keep shape shifting and fucking you up.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
You really can’t override living in a NO.
You either stop doing that or you suffer.
There’s no sorting it out and making it right from within the cage of self-betrayal.
Because the ‘issue’ IS the self-betrayal;
not the actual NO itself.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
We’re all fucked up.
Who cares?
The human condition(ing) makes it so.
And…
We’re all perfectly intact despite the fuckedupness.
It’s both.
Human + being.
I don’t know one human who actually has all their shit together (whatever that means).
Not one.
But I know that every being exists perfectly and beautifully beyond the human shit.
And that every human touches and experiences even more of their brilliant being, both through and because of it.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
The other isn’t the reason you get triggered.
Your experience of the other is just showing you where you’re at.
And it’s perfectly highlighting what you’ve yet to contend with.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
You can’t have an expectation / demand / condition for how or when another person should behave for or in response to you…
and call that love.
You can’t point to what you’ve done for them (gross) in comparison to what you think they’ve yet to reciprocate (eww) as a way to justify why they should now perform / abandon / contort themselves for you like you clearly did for them (why else would you be keeping score)…
and call that love.
That’s manipulation.
Control.
Twisted, sticky, icky shit.
If it’s not given freely,
truthfully,
lovingly,
unconditionally…
why would you even want it?
You’d rather a performance than the real deal?
You’d rather have it the way your ego scripted it than the way it actually is?
You’d rather another do for you what you’re not willing to do for yourself?
Absurd.
People can move and exist as they wish.
You’re free to do the same.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
Speed.
Power.
Potency.
Precision.
When we join forces,
I won’t offer tools or processes.
We won’t work on mindset or strategy.
We won’t scour your past for a link to the present.
And you won’t learn how to manage a thing.
Truth requires absolutely no-thing.
It’s time to play a new kind of game.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
I’ll leave myself to meet you there.
You’ll do the same for me.
vs
I’ll stay right here.
You’ll stay right there.
We’ll dance in the inbetween.
Or not.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
when you
want it
need it
expect it
demand it
even just ask for it
when you feel entitled to it
deserving of it
as if it was owed to you
when you’re keeping score
playing tit for tat
requiring life to meet your egoic conditions
you’ve forgotten who and what you truly are:
an immense power that generates
each perfectly curated piece
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
Human: runs from the present / dwells on the non-existent past / fears the illusory future / perpetually resists what IS (and suffers because of it) / consistently holds back truth / avoids making the true move / believes things, others, and life need(s) to be a certain way in order to feel okay / creates and then lives within endless, baseless, utterly insane stories / denies its sovereignty / blames the world and others and pretends to be a victim / takes zero responsibility for the creation and quality of its own experience / looks out instead of in…
Being: “And you wonder why you feel like shit?”
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
if you only do the work when you feel like it
when it’s easy
comfortable
convenient
when the results are fast and guaranteed
then guess what?
you’re not actually doing the work
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
I don’t care about or strive towards feeling happy.
I’m here to feel ALIVE.
Uncomfortable.
Powerful.
Present.
To immerse myself in whatever I touch.
To exist fully, naturally, joyfully, deeply.
Which includes so much beyond (and also includes) those ephemeral moments of happiness.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
You only try to fill in the (perceived) gaps for another when you forget that they are sovereign, just like you.
And you can only forget another’s sovereignty when you have forgotten your own (cue a false sense of superiority) which is the only reason you’d ever feel the need to over-reach in the first place.
Your discomfort with where another is choosing to be at (yes, choosing - there are no victims and no one needs saving) generates your over-extension in an attempt to relieve yourself of said discomfort which actually has nothing to do with what the other is or isn’t doing / seeing / getting in that moment.
This is what feeds your desire to change / correct what’s being presented to whatever you deem better / more ‘evolved’ than what they’re currently choosing for themselves,
which inevitably breeds resistance and stagnation; not clarity and movement, because the energy of your so-called help is tainted aka sourced from a false premise to begin with.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
It’s the inability to withstand the intense aliveness of being that drives the impulse to dilute or run from it, just as the inability to withstand it drives the impulse to seek that same jolt of aliveness through superficial means.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
From a recent text chat with my cyber bestie…
Kristen: “People believe they are the thingy.”
Me: “Yes.”
Kristen: “Which is the problem with identifying as an addict because it says I am my thingy.”
Me: “Yep.”
Kristen: “And people with the biggest thingys are often the ones who are most potent.”
Me: “Exactly. They wouldn’t need a thingy so big if they weren’t so powerful.”
Kristen: “But shame is a whole thing, too. Shame is the core thing. It’s the Daddy Thingy.”
Me: “Yep. And the being doesn’t carry shame at all. It’s just another thingy to fuel all the other thingies.”
Kristen: “And things need space held for them.”
Me: “Yep.”
Kristen: “Which eats up space / power.”
Me: “Yep.”
Kristen: “Hungry thingys.”
Me: “Yep lol”
Kristen: “Insatiable thingys.”
Me: “Feed all the thingies!”
Kristen: “lol”
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe
“I think of my addiction as escapism and I’m curious about your thoughts on that.”
Being energetically intact (operating from our innate power) is our natural state.
And it’s glorious.
So what’s to escape from?
We only feel the need to ‘escape’ when we’re existing unnaturally.
And addiction is the perfect way to ineffectively ‘manage’ the discomfort of that inner deviation.
△
collections · let’s play · shop · tip · subscribe