Human Dynamics

Content With Less (An Essay)

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Random guy in a 9-5 he hates after asking me about what I do…

Him: “I guess I’m not your ideal client then because I don’t need someone to fuck my shit up.”

Me: “You’re not my ideal client because you’re still content working in a 9-5 you hate.”

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The Whole Thing Is Like A Movie (An Essay)

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“The whole thing is like a movie.”

Him, last night, after our last few hours together before he leaves for a month.

When I tell him or others that he’s my favourite human, it’s because he is the purest.

Meaning, he has less shit in the way than anyone I’ve ever played with romantically.

Every being is pure, of course.

But most humans are drenched in matter.

Drowning in the abyss.

Overflowing with insanity.

Hard to reach from where it counts.

But not him.

Our experience is so light.

So empty.

Full of space and filled with life.

And the lived experience of that is a deep sense of calm and peace — one’s natural state.

Which creates an effortless, seamless, extraordinary dance.

A dream within a glorious dream.

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The Players Are Interchangeable (An Essay)

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Even as I write about men,

it’s not about them specifically.

How could it be?

They’re my very own creation.

Birthed from the core of me.

And the quality of my experience with them (or anything else in my life) is never about, or dependent upon, them or another.

The dynamic is impersonal.

The players are interchangeable.

Because it’s all just energy, baby.

Who and what’s being presented as I play my own game, is never about the specific person or thing.

They’re just the vessels through which I explore Mandyland.

The playground that has no rules.

And every single piece,

I’ve orchestrated for myself.

Brilliantly.

Effortlessly.

Whether I like what I see or not.

I’m curating all of it — no exceptions — to sharpen the blade of me.

Which is why even in the midst of this beauty,

I’m not attached to any of it.

I don’t ‘hope’ it continues.

I don’t believe this is as good as it gets.

Because I know that the energetic quality,

the purity of me and all that I create,

is increasing constantly.

Exponentially.

There’s always more for me.

And I know that all I ever have to do is be Mandy,

just Mandy,

for life to shape itself beautifully,

seamlessly,

around,

within,

and through me.

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Devoted To Truth; Not Another (An Essay)

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I’m sure I’ll be what’s considered ‘single’ for the rest of my life.

I’m not made to be in what most would view as a ‘relationship’, no matter what I’m experiencing with another (or others).

How could I ‘commit’ to a fellow human (insane).

To anything of this world.

My devotion is to my own evolution.

And to the truth of the moment I’m in.

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It Needed To Be Broken (An Essay)

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Kristen: “Will it break him if you don’t see him again?”

Me: “I don’t care. I don’t think of it. I just go scene to scene.”

I know how my detachment appears.

But attachment isn’t natural to the being.

It’s lodged in a story of some sort.

Meaning.

Matter.

Past.

Another.

It’s not that I don’t care about other people or what they go through.

It’s that I don’t care how their human is affected by me being Mandy.

I don’t take another into account when I make my moves.

Why would someone else have anything to do with what I know I must do?

Shall I factor in everyone I know and the world at large while I’m at it?

Give me a fucking break.

If something breaks, then good.

It clearly needed to be broken.

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He Moves With Me Seamlessly (An Essay)

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He reminds me of a Leonard Cohen quote.

“You go your way. I’ll go your way, too.”

He moves with me seamlessly.

Effortlessly.

With nothing in-between.

A dance so quiet, so tender, so natural, so close.

So light.

So pure.

So empty.

So free.

Little is spoken.

Yet everything is said.

“Mine.”

“Yours.”

Here we are.

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