Human Dynamics
People pleasers aren’t any less controlling or manipulative than those who ‘take advantage’ of them.
Both are positioning themselves, and using others, to get their artificial needs met.
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oversharing
or overanything
even underanything
if we get down to it
is an attempt to ‘empty out’
to release
the increasing pressure
of an overloaded system
which feels vastly different
from the over and under
of anything at all
from a system that’s clean
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I don’t feel tethered to anyone.
Not even to my own child.
And if you can’t understand how this can be,
and how this is the highest expression and experience of true love and ultimate freedom,
we should talk.
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I do the opposite of what they say to do
With a man
As a woman
Whatever the fuck that means
I am sharp
Not soft (and I am — very)
I challenge everything
Until there’s nothing
(an inside job — read more)
And as he’s said…
I’m relentless
Unyielding
Exacting
Demanding
Militant
Trenchant
Mercurial
And yet…
He’s still here
Right here
Closer than most will ever be (his words)
To me
To themselves
To heaven
To another
Precisely because I do the opposite of what they say to do
With a man
As a woman
Whatever the fuck that means
Why would I be less me for anybody?
The more me, the better
For everybody
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if you wouldn’t choose it again today
and again right now
if the slate was clean
(it is)
then there’s a reason
you’re choosing to overstay
and that reason is not truth
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your past
your thoughts
your trauma
your pain
your parents
your partner
your kids
your ex
your current circumstances
and your mental health issues
are not why you’re not free
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you would never…
have to talk about your relationship
have issues in your relationship
have to work on your relationship
#workingonitneverworks
if you were both in complete integrity
and fully in your power already
#relationshipgoalsamiright
you’d just be in your relationship
doing the blessed thing
the most natural thing in the world
#loveiswhoyouare
‘problems’ only arise because you haven’t been speaking / living / being truth
you haven’t been taking full responsibility for your side of the court
you have been looking to
and waiting on
the other for something that’s not theirs to give
and that accumulation of bullshit creates ‘problems’
as it should and as it must
not because ‘all couples have problems’
but because ‘all people who aren’t living in integrity and look outside of themselves for something / anything’ — have problems
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The chasm between he and I is immense.
Always has been.
Except, of course, when it’s not.
The only thing that has and could ever bridge that incredible divide is pure presence.
No self.
Those rare and delicious moments that he’s described as unimaginable, when we are both simultaneously present AND absent.
This or nothing.
AND
This because there’s nothing.
Which is why it’s futile to ‘work on’ the so-called relationship.
The only work is HERE; not there.
#remainempty
Within me; not with him.
Which is why I don’t care about bridging our divide.
I care about bridging my own.
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After getting ‘triggered’ by a move of mine that ‘threatened’ (broke) the container we had once been operating within (and our relationship was contingent upon),
I had a close-to-me-for-many-years human attempt to end our relationship.
‘Attempt’ because there’s no such thing as an ending (or a relationship for that matter, but that’s for another day).
And all because they couldn’t figure out how to use me and our experience to erect themselves further.
So they collapsed (and not in the hot way)
once again / for now / forever / who cares.
Which means they didn’t actually ‘leave’.
And they didn’t achieve a thing.
Because there was zero power in their so-called split.
They ‘left’ (collapsed) instead of saying / doing / BEING the truest thing.
The rawest thing.
That would shatter everything.
In both themselves and in me.
But that would have required them to stand firm and fully in who they truly are.
And they were not ready for that, at least not that day.
So they ‘left’ and stayed right in place.
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The ‘issues’ between you and another are never the actual issues.
It’s a lack of consciousness.
A lack of accountability.
A lack of integrity.
Ignoring the k(no)w.
And that discord / divide shows up as those ‘issues’ because you are not yet in your power.
You aren’t yet saying or doing what needs to be said or done.
If you were, there’d be no ‘issues’.
There would just be truth.
Which is the only thing that can set you free from those never-ending ‘issues’.
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It doesn’t matter why someone isn’t ready.
Or if they will ever be.
If they can’t walk through that door with you,
that’s all you need to know.
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I had a call with a hottie who I soon realized was nowhere close to being ready for a call with me.
She was committed to her stories.
She didn’t actually want to be free.
So I interrupted her mental masturbation by letting her know this isn’t the work I do, and I ended the Zoom call.
She called me on Messenger a moment later.
And I had no problem picking up because ‘new moment, new everything’ in Mandyland.
I was happy to start again.
But she was still there; not here.
So I ended that call, too.
*sends a cheeky new invoice*
Because that is the work I do.
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if the only thing keeping you together is your unnatural attachment to one another
(and all attachment is unnatural)
made possible only through the sticky and accumulated shit you have both brought to the relationship table
things like your respective and shared pasts
your so-called traumas
your personal needs and desires
your ongoing focus on yourself and the other
then you’re not yet truly together
because of all that shit in the way
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Her: “Are you DONE done with him?”
I don’t need to be done with him.
Or with anybody or anything else.
I just need to be exactly where I am in each moment.
People and things will be here as well — or they won’t be.
Who cares.
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(My response to a lame Netflix documentary)
Cheating isn’t a ‘mistake’.
It’s a choice.
It’s a decision to hide and to deceive.
Over and over and over again.
And…
It’s a weak and powerless move / series of moves.
Because it’s ‘easier’ to sneak around than to muster the strength to be fully transparent with the one you claim you love and ‘risk’ whatever comes from that.
And of course you have your reasons (excuses) to not live in truth.
Everyone does.
Reasons to not demonstrate love for yourself and another by being honest about what already is.
You’re scared.
You have something to ‘lose’.
You don’t want to hurt them.
Whatever the fuck.
Still weak.
Still powerless.
Still not taking full responsibility for yourself and your choices and doing what needs to be done.
Being with others isn’t an issue.
Hiding that you are, is.
And even that isn’t the real ‘issue’.
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I’d rather do the work within the current dynamic than to swap it out for another supposedly easier and better ride.
Because the next one won’t be ’better’.
The same work will meet me there, too.
So I do it from exactly where I am.
From whatever I find myself in.
The ‘next’ I actually want and crave,
will arise naturally from that.
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Standards, boundaries and thresholds are what you create / enforce / adhere to / require when your energy doesn’t speak for itself, when you don’t actually trust yourself, and your choices aren’t sourced from the truth of each moment.
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Someone told me my energy is ‘too big’ and that’s why they ‘shrink’ (go energetically limp) when I’m around.
Guess they’ll have to figure that out.
#erectionsforeveryone
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Talking with a friend in a relationship that’s been the biggest NO forfuckingever…
Her: “But I love his family.”
Me: “More than you love yourself?”
Her: “Touché, bitch.”
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P.S. If you’ve never referred to me as ‘bitch’ (not ‘a bitch’ — although that would still be a compliment), do you even love me?
And if I haven’t called you ‘bitch’ while hyped up in a private convo / message / work call, either celebrating you or calling you out, do I even love you?
Of course.
But it’s still fun to ponder.
By the time you say to yourself or another,
“This is the last time (…)”,
you have already,
and once again,
bypassed your NO,
relinquished your power,
and ignored that moment of knowing.
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