your past
your thoughts
your trauma
your pain
your parents
your partner
your kids
your ex
your current circumstances
and your mental health issues
are not why you’re not free
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Essays
Doing The Blessed Thing (An Essay)
you would never…
have to talk about your relationship
have issues in your relationship
have to work on your relationship
#workingonitneverworks
if you were both in complete integrity
and fully in your power already
you’d just be in your relationship
doing the blessed thing
the most natural thing in the world
‘problems’ only arise because you haven’t been speaking / living / being truth
you haven’t been taking full responsibility for your side of the court
you have been looking to, and waiting on, the other for something that’s absolutely not theirs to give
and that accumulation of bullshit creates problems
as it should
not because ‘all couples have problems’
but because ‘all people who aren’t living in integrity and look outside of themselves for something / anything - have problems’
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Sanna On Creating The New (A Transcript)
From one of Sanna’s lives:
▽
It’s not easy to operate from your High Feminine because there’s literally no one that you can follow.
There’s no one that you can look to for answers in your particular field.
There’s no one that you can go to for comfort or confirmation that what you know is actually true.
You are operating completely blindly, operating from the unknown and in the unknown, and you’re literally pulling things in from the nothing, which is exactly where your High Feminine thrives.
What you’re here to do, what you’re here to say, what you’re here to create, has not been created before.
It has never been accessed before in the depth and the clarity and the cleanness that you’re here to access it.
Which is why it takes most people lifetimes, if ever, before they actually access their thing.
Which is why there are so few people out there who have actually ever created anything completely new.
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watch the full video (1:36:57)
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The Chasm Between He And I (An Essay)
The chasm between he and I is immense.
Always has been.
Except, of course, when it’s not.
The only thing that has and could ever bridge that incredible divide is pure presence.
No self.
Those rare and delicious moments that he’s described as unimaginable, when both of us are simultaneously present AND absent.
This or nothing.
AND
This because there’s nothing.
Which is why it’s futile to ‘work on’ the so-called relationship.
The only work is HERE; not there.
#remainempty
Within me; not with him.
I don’t care about bridging our divide.
I care about bridging my own.
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The Powerless Departure (An Essay)
Over the past few months, I’ve had some very close to me humans attempt to ‘end’ our relationship.
(‘Attempt’ because there’s no such thing as an ending)
Because they couldn’t figure out how to use me and our experience to erect themselves further.
So they collapsed (in Sanna speak) right out of my world (once again / for now / forever / who cares).
Except they didn’t actually leave.
And they didn’t achieve a thing.
Because there was zero power in their so-called ‘departure’.
They ‘left’ instead of saying or doing (and being) the truest thing,
the rawest thing,
that would shatter everything,
in themselves and in me.
Because that would require them to stand firm and fully in who they are.
But they were not ready.
So they ‘left’.
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Stay With The One Who Activates You (An Essay)
You will never create something extraordinary with a partner who doesn’t activate your shit and doesn’t have shit that’s activated by being with you.
You can keep running from that reality with each person if you like, or actually stick with one and do the actual work required of you to face and deal with your shit as it comes up until that shit isn’t there anymore.
That way the dynamic reaches its natural and inevitable ‘end’ if it’s not really or no longer IT; not because you felt the need to throw it away prematurely just because you couldn’t handle yours or another’s shit.
I can assure you that whatever work you’re not willing to do with your current beau, you’re gonna have to do with the next one so getting rid of this one won’t ultimately solve a thing.
All of your shit won’t magically disappear.
And fair if you just want to ride solo for however long and not deal with another while you sort yourself out, or even just enjoy some superficial interactions that are less intense and activating along the way.
But it’s one thing to choose that for yourself because it’s true, and it’s another thing to avoid doing the real work with that choice.
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The Divide (An Essay)
The (perceived) issues between you and another are never the actual issues.
It’s a lack of consciousness.
A lack of accountability.
A lack of integrity.
It’s ignoring what you know.
And that discord / divide shows up as those ‘issues’ because you are not yet in your power.
You aren’t saying or doing what needs to be said or done.
If you were, there’d be no ‘issues’.
Just truth.
The only thing that can set you free from those never-ending ‘issues’.
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Hold Up (An Essay)
It doesn’t matter why someone isn’t ready.
Or if they will ever be.
If they can’t walk through that door with you,
that’s all you need to know.
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Coddle For What (An Essay)
I don’t need a safe, secure, reliable partner or experience.
#ivegotthatinme
I want the rawest fucking truth in whatever form that takes.
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Two For One (An Essay)
I had a call with a hottie who I soon realized was nowhere close to being ready for a call with me.
She was committed to her stories.
She didn’t actually want to be free.
So I interrupted her mental masturbation by letting her know this isn’t the work I do and I ended the Zoom call.
She called me on Messenger a moment later.
And I had no problem picking up because ‘new moment, new everything’ in Mandyland.
I was happy to start again.
But she was still there; not here.
So I ended that call, too.
*sends a cheeky new invoice*
Because that is the work I do.
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Stuck Together (An Essay)
if the only thing keeping you together is your unnatural attachment to one another
(and all attachment is unnatural)
made possible only through the sticky and accumulated shit you both have brought to the relationship table
things like your respective and shared pasts
your so-called traumas
your personal needs and desires
your ongoing focus on yourself and the other
then you’re not yet truly together
because of all that shit in the way
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I'll Never Be Done With Him (An Essay)
Amanda: “Are you DONE done with him?”
I don’t need to be done with him.
Or with anybody or anything.
I just need to be exactly where I am.
Those people and things will be here as well or they won’t be.
Who cares.
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Using Every Bit (An Essay)
Doing ‘the work’ doesn’t automatically or even fundamentally change the externals of your life (and it can).
But it absolutely changes your experience of the externals, of yourself, and of the moment, as you continue to lift every veil that’s been clouding your vision for so long.
Doing ‘the work’ leaves you with a seamless inner experience that remains untainted by whatever comes up.
Because stuff will always come up.
In you and in life.
And eventually you can’t even tell one thing from another because all things are made equal in the face of that inner stillness.
And every bit is used as the portal that it is.
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Sanna On Not Helping Others (A Transcript)
From one of Sanna’s lives:
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How do you turn down a person that clearly needs help just because it’s not a turn on for you to work with them?
How do you justify the lack of the turn on?
How do you say No someone that needs help?
I don’t know if you see how twisted that idea is.
How morphed it actually is.
How backwards the thinking is.
Because when you say No to someone that’s not a turn on, you’re actually helping them.
Saying yes to someone that is not a huge turn on is you taking on someone that doesn’t need your help, doesn’t need you, doesn’t need your art.
It is not the thing that they require in that moment.
And in that decision to surrender, you end up creating a container for something that was never supposed to happen.
Something that is a manufactured, artificial thing that is not an actual experience for anyone.
That is, in fact, wasting your time and their time, all because you don’t trust your turn on and you don’t trust your No.
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watch the full video (57:43)
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Real Talk (An Essay)
in Energetics, Essays, Fellows, Lovers, SEX, Zero Point, Uncluttered, Convos
Him: “When we’re together like this, it feels like anything is possible.”
Me: “Because it is.”
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Cheating (An Essay)
Cheating isn’t a mistake.
It’s a choice.
It’s a decision to hide and to deceive.
And…
It’s a weak and powerless move.
Because it’s ‘easier’ to sneak around than to muster the strength to be fully transparent with the one you claim you love(d) and ‘risk’ whatever comes from that.
And of course you have your reasons (excuses) not to live in truth.
Everyone does.
To not demonstrate your love for yourself and another by being honest about what already is.
You’re scared.
You have something to ‘lose’.
You don’t want to hurt them.
Whatever the fuck.
Still weak.
Still powerless.
Still not taking full responsibility for yourself and your choices and doing what needs to be done.
Being with others isn’t an issue.
Hiding that you are, is.
And even that isn’t the real ‘issue’.
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The Next Isn't Better (An Essay)
I’d rather do the work within the current dynamic than to swap it out for another (supposedly ‘better’) ride.
The next one won’t be ’better’.
The same work will meet me there, too.
So I do it from exactly where I am and what I find myself in.
The ‘next’ I actually want and crave, arises directly and naturally from that.
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Good Morning (An Essay)
in Energetics, Zero Point, Essays, Linked
It’s about going to bed and waking up empty.
Completely at peace.
Detached from all of it.
Having done whatever was required that day to untangle yourself from whatever web you got yourself into.
It’s about dealing with the inner mess / movement / turmoil until you’re still and empty once again.
Until you stop caring at all.
Not in a heartless way.
In the purest way.
The way you already are underneath all that you are not.
It’s the detachment from caring about what does or doesn’t happen.
What is or isn’t happening.
The sweetest and most natural place to be.
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About Last Night (An Essay)
in Energetics, Zero Point, Lovers, Convos, SEX, Essays, Fellows
“When we are together, we are closer than most couples and that's as real as it gets for me.”
Him, last night.
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Sanna On Divorce (A Transcript)
From one of Sanna’s lives:
▽
In most cases, people end up divorcing their partner and saying No to the entire relationship, completely unnecessarily.
Instead of making the relationship and everything that matters - not matter, they end up just walking away from the entire thing.
And that does not collapse anything. It does not disrupt anything, because the matter is still there.
And then they will carry that matter to the next relationship.
So they end up saying No to something that IS actually a turn on - when it’s clean.
It’s not the physical thing that’s not a turn on.
It’s the matter that’s in it that prevents it from being a turn on.
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watch the full video (57:43)
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