Makin Moves

It Needed To Be Broken (An Essay)

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Kristen: “Will it break him if you don’t see him again?”

Me: “I don’t care. I don’t think of it. I just go scene to scene.”

I know how my detachment appears.

But attachment isn’t natural to the being.

It’s lodged in a story of some sort.

Meaning.

Matter.

Past.

Another.

It’s not that I don’t care about other people or what they go through.

It’s that I don’t care how their human is affected by me being Mandy.

I don’t take another into account when I make my moves.

Why would someone else have anything to do with what I know I must do?

Shall I factor in everyone I know and the world at large while I’m at it?

Give me a fucking break.

If something breaks, then good.

It clearly needed to be broken.

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Relationships Never End (An Essay)

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Yes, the unimaginable happens when you choose to remain close to YOU.

And…

The unimaginable doesn’t only apply to things you perceive as ‘positive’.

One of the most unexpected, yet perfectly orchestrated and accurate things to happen in my world this year was the ‘ending’ of a beautiful 15 year friendship back in March.

‘Ending’ because there’s no such thing.

The current configuration of any ‘relationship’ (another ‘thing’ that doesn’t ultimately exist) is just that: the current configuration.

Which can shift in an instant, as we all know.

Which is why it’s kinda silly to judge and measure things based on appearances because things in the physical are always changing.

And…

They are simultaneously always energetically accurate.

And…

If you’re energetically intact, your system doesn’t shift at all regardless of what shifts around you.

So is it a ‘loss’ of a friendship?

No.

It’s the current truth being played out as lack of contact in the physical.

For now.

Maybe forever.

But no less perfect and no less true than the 15 years of contact preceding it.

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The Refusal To Stay Where It's False (An Essay)

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my NO with him only adds to the turn on

without that being my incentive to honour it

all i know in a moment is not this

what he does with that is not my business

not my ‘problem’

not a consideration at all

and yet

what he’s done with each zig and zag of me

has been heavenly

so dreamy

and

as i continue to ride each edge

making the entrance point more narrow

more pristine for the god in me

what awaits me on the other side of that perpetual sharpening

is the more that can’t be tasted

the more that can’t be felt

were i to choose to just deny myself

and abandon what is true

and it’s that whittling down to nothing

that refusal to stay where it’s false

that devotion to truth in each moment

(no matter what happens as a result)

that creates a vortex for the ALL

the ALL that can’t be named

the ALL beyond my wildest dreams

the ALL that’s sourced from NO

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Sex vs SEX (An Essay)

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in the middle of the night

he and i had a lovely conversation about sex

and not surprisingly

based on how we met and how things are unfolding

we share a similar view on play

sex (penetration) for the sake of sex

hits no true spot

but the experience of SEX

that has no beginning, no middle, no end

that may or may not include penetration

that may or may not include touch or a release

that is not marked separate from a ‘non-sex’ event

(because it’s alllll SEX, baby)

that is where the magic is

that is what arouses more than a particular position or body type

than a pre-determined set of preferences

than a vibe of ‘this worked on her last time so i’ll just do that again’

because SEX is a dance in the NOW

(Peep the Mandy Bite)

so you can’t bring a (past) thing with you

nor can you aim for something else

you must make each move from exactly where you are

without leaving where it’s fresh and alive and new

without ever leaving YOU

because true SEX is beyond the physical

the body is just the vessel through which you play

endlessly

truthfully

fluidly

to more

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Ride and Die (An Essay)

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“What a fucking RIDE. Playing with you is unlike anything out there. Potent. Immediate. Not for the faint of heart.”

Last night’s treat in my inbox.

My spot always gets hit when I’m playing with a fellow rider.

Because fellow riders are the only ones who viscerally get what I’m throwin’ down.

I am of no use to those who want safety, time, solutions, support.

Those who are still looking to me or to others for more content to consume.

For something or someone else to attach to, to believe in, to become a superfan of.

My types are the ones who simply want to play with what’s alive right now, regardless of what does or doesn’t happen.

When you’re ready for THAT thrill,

let’s ride.

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