Triggered

Cheating (An Essay)

Cheating isn’t a mistake.

It’s a choice.

It’s a decision to hide and to deceive.

And…

It’s a weak and powerless move.

Because it’s ‘easier’ to sneak around than to muster the strength to be fully transparent with the one you claim you love(d) and ‘risk’ whatever comes from that.

And of course you have your reasons (excuses) not to live in truth.

Everyone does.

To not demonstrate your love for yourself and another by being honest about what already is.

You’re scared.

You have something to ‘lose’.

You don’t want to hurt them.

Whatever the fuck.

Still weak.

Still powerless.

Still not taking full responsibility for yourself and your choices and doing what needs to be done.

Being with others isn’t an issue.

Hiding that you are, is.

And even that isn’t the real ‘issue’.

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Obliteration Dance (An Essay)

I chose him precisely because of the density.

The grit.

For the perceived dysfunction that would highlight my own so I could erect what had long been limp.

I used him to purify myself.

To be stripped even further.

To stay until nothing was left.

From the outside, it looked insane.

And to my human, it felt like hell.

But obliteration was what I was after.

Why else would I have danced right there.

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