One must abandon themselves in the attempt to ‘fill’ through external means what can only be satisfied internally through learning how to not self-abandon in the first place.
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Essays
Addictions & Compulsions (An Essay)
in Energetics, Addiction, Essays, Pain
Whatever the addiction / compulsion is makes no difference.
It’s only ever about one’s relationship to their own power.
Which is perfectly demonstrated / out-pictured through one’s relationship to,
and experience of,
said substance / behaviour / person.
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Over And Under (An Essay)
oversharing
or overanything
even underanything
if we get down to it
is an attempt to ‘empty out’
to release the increasing pressure
of an overloaded system
by any means necessary
which feels vastly different
from the over and under
of anything at all
from a system that’s clean
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Just Passing Through (An Essay)
When your energy is intact,
there is nothing you need to hold.
Nor would you even want to.
Nor could you if you tried.
Everything comes and goes.
And passes through unobstructed.
Nothing is held in the moment.
Free from everything.
Always new.
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Unattached (An Essay)
I don’t feel tethered to anyone.
Not even to my own child.
And if you can’t understand how this can be,
and how this is the highest expression and experience of true love and ultimate freedom,
we should talk.
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Smashed To Smithereens (An Essay)
in Energetics, Essays, Fellows, Lovers, Makin Moves, Triggered, Shit Stack, Death, Narc Shit
we are two planets colliding
getting smashed to smithereens
and when the damage is done
there is s p a c e
and in that space
we recalibrate
shocked and startled
once again
neither knowing what’s to come
from the rubble left in our wake
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Thrown Off My Game (An Essay)
in Energetics, Essays, Fellows, Lovers, Makin Moves, Triggered, Shit Stack, Death, Linked, Narc Shit
if it didn’t destroy me
if parts of me weren’t forced to die
repeatedly
and quite potently
through the is-ness of he and i
there’d be no pull for me to stay
- not with him -
but with all that arises
through the mutual destruction that our interactions bring
this alone is what interests me
because i’m interested in what disturbs me
and i’m interested in the art of becoming less disturbed
by what throws me off my game
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Sharp; Not Soft (An Essay)
I do the opposite of what they say to do
With a man
As a woman
Whatever the fuck that means
I am sharp
Not soft (and I am - very)
I challenge everything
Until there’s nothing
I don’t let anything go
Until it returns back to zero
(an inside job - read more)
And as he’s said…
I’m relentless
Unyielding
Exacting
Demanding
Militant
Trenchant
Mercurial
And yet…
He’s still here
Right here
Closer than most will ever be (his words)
To me
To themselves
To heaven
To another
Precisely because I do the opposite of what they say to do
With a man
As a woman
Whatever the fuck that means
Why would I be less me for anybody
The more me, the better
For everybody
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Chalet (An Essay)
He and I are so damn close.
Again tonight,
brought to tears.
(over dinner at my favourite spot)
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Why Are You Staying? (An Essay)
if you wouldn’t choose it again today
and again right now
if the slate was clean
(it is)
then there’s a reason you’re choosing to overstay
and that reason is not truth
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Not Enough Money In The World (An Essay)
If someone is stuck on their bullshit, I swerve.
I want nothing to do with it.
They can figure that out on their own time.
Not mine.
You couldn’t pay me enough to deal with someone who is not ready to let go of their shit.
Because there’s nothing there for me.
And I could care less if they’re ever ready.
I am absolutely not invested in someone else’s freedom.
At all.
They have to want that for themselves enough to do what needs to be done.
Which means letting go of their crutches and excuses and actually standing on their own.
At that point, we play.
Until then, I’m gone.
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That's Not Why (An Essay)
your past
your thoughts
your trauma
your pain
your parents
your partner
your kids
your ex
your current circumstances
and your mental health issues
are not why you’re not free
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Doing The Blessed Thing (An Essay)
you would never…
have to talk about your relationship
have issues in your relationship
have to work on your relationship
#workingonitneverworks
if you were both in complete integrity
and fully in your power already
you’d just be in your relationship
doing the blessed thing
the most natural thing in the world
‘problems’ only arise because you haven’t been speaking / living / being truth
you haven’t been taking full responsibility for your side of the court
you have been looking to, and waiting on, the other for something that’s absolutely not theirs to give
and that accumulation of bullshit creates problems
as it should
not because ‘all couples have problems’
but because ‘all people who aren’t living in integrity and look outside of themselves for something / anything - have problems’
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Sanna On Creating The New (A Transcript)
From one of Sanna’s lives:
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It’s not easy to operate from your High Feminine because there’s literally no one that you can follow.
There’s no one that you can look to for answers in your particular field.
There’s no one that you can go to for comfort or confirmation that what you know is actually true.
You are operating completely blindly, operating from the unknown and in the unknown, and you’re literally pulling things in from the nothing, which is exactly where your High Feminine thrives.
What you’re here to do, what you’re here to say, what you’re here to create, has not been created before.
It has never been accessed before in the depth and the clarity and the cleanness that you’re here to access it.
Which is why it takes most people lifetimes, if ever, before they actually access their thing.
Which is why there are so few people out there who have actually ever created anything completely new.
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watch the full video (1:36:57)
Peep The Sanna Collection
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The Chasm Between He And I (An Essay)
The chasm between he and I is immense.
Always has been.
Except, of course, when it’s not.
The only thing that has and could ever bridge that incredible divide is pure presence.
No self.
Those rare and delicious moments that he’s described as unimaginable, when both of us are simultaneously present AND absent.
This or nothing.
AND
This because there’s nothing.
Which is why it’s futile to ‘work on’ the so-called relationship.
The only work is HERE; not there.
#remainempty
Within me; not with him.
I don’t care about bridging our divide.
I care about bridging my own.
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The Powerless Departure (An Essay)
Over the past few months, I’ve had some very close to me humans attempt to ‘end’ our relationship.
(‘Attempt’ because there’s no such thing as an ending)
Because they couldn’t figure out how to use me and our experience to erect themselves further.
So they collapsed (in Sanna speak) right out of my world (once again / for now / forever / who cares).
Except they didn’t actually leave.
And they didn’t achieve a thing.
Because there was zero power in their so-called ‘departure’.
They ‘left’ instead of saying or doing (and being) the truest thing,
the rawest thing,
that would shatter everything,
in themselves and in me.
Because that would require them to stand firm and fully in who they are.
But they were not ready.
So they ‘left’.
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Stay With The One Who Activates You (An Essay)
You will never create something extraordinary with a partner who doesn’t activate your shit and doesn’t have shit that’s activated by being with you.
You can keep running from that reality with each person if you like, or actually stick with one and do the actual work required of you to face and deal with your shit as it comes up until that shit isn’t there anymore.
That way the dynamic reaches its natural and inevitable ‘end’ if it’s not really or no longer IT; not because you felt the need to throw it away prematurely just because you couldn’t handle yours or another’s shit.
I can assure you that whatever work you’re not willing to do with your current beau, you’re gonna have to do with the next one so getting rid of this one won’t ultimately solve a thing.
All of your shit won’t magically disappear.
And fair if you just want to ride solo for however long and not deal with another while you sort yourself out, or even just enjoy some superficial interactions that are less intense and activating along the way.
But it’s one thing to choose that for yourself because it’s true, and it’s another thing to avoid doing the real work with that choice.
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The Divide (An Essay)
The (perceived) issues between you and another are never the actual issues.
It’s a lack of consciousness.
A lack of accountability.
A lack of integrity.
It’s ignoring what you know.
And that discord / divide shows up as those ‘issues’ because you are not yet in your power.
You aren’t saying or doing what needs to be said or done.
If you were, there’d be no ‘issues’.
Just truth.
The only thing that can set you free from those never-ending ‘issues’.
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Hold Up (An Essay)
It doesn’t matter why someone isn’t ready.
Or if they will ever be.
If they can’t walk through that door with you,
that’s all you need to know.
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Coddle For What (An Essay)
I don’t need a safe, secure, reliable partner or experience.
#ivegotthatinme
I want the rawest fucking truth in whatever form that takes.
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