Convos

The Illusion Of A Purpose (An Essay)

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In a call the other day, the fellow was talking about not having a purpose aka a made-up concept to attach himself to.

You know, to give himself / his life some direction, some meaning, some much needed motivation.

Something he can create an identity around.

Something to make him feel more ‘like a man’.

Because being exactly who he is and following his natural movements on the daily isn’t enough.

There needs to be an add-on.

Something quantifiable.

Something more / other than this.

I told him I don’t have a purpose.

He said it’s different for men.

I found that amusing.

Mostly because he just put us both in a separate category based solely on physicality (ignoring the energy aka the truth which would completely disprove his point if we really were talking about the masculine and feminine) to explain why I’m fine not having a purpose and he’s not.

It’s not because I’m a woman.

It’s because I’m not attached to bullshit.

Regardless of gender, regardless of conditioning based on gender, an illusion is still an illusion.

Purpose (or lack of), like self-worth (or lack of), like value (or lack of), like countless other things that aren’t actually real, is just a human-made concept to attach to and create a story around.

Something to hold on to, to point to as the reason you feel the way you do, or do the things you do you think you should do.

Something to avoid being the living truth.

Which comes with no labels.

No terms.

No concepts.

No thing.

Your ‘purpose’ is to BE yourself,

unobstructed,

if there had to be a thing.

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You're Asking The Wrong Question (An Essay)

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It's not: "How do I get the clients / make the money / overcome the addiction / heal the pain / resolve this health and / or relationship 'issue'?"

It's: "When will I stop saying YES to a NO? When will I stop supressing what's true? When will I make being the living truth my full-time job regardless of who or what is in front of me?"

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The Bullshit of High-End Coaching (An Essay)

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Last year a hottie made a comment to me about the low caliber of client that comes with charging low prices.

And she was really sold on this bullshit narrative because she was being charged, and was charging, a wild amount for ‘high-end’ coaching at the time.

Which in and of itself isn’t an issue.

I’m pointing to the idea that a certain price point yields a certain quality of person.

It doesn’t.

Energy leads.

Not money.

I worked with Sanna for a year and didn’t pay a dollar for it.

As if I was a low calibre client.

As if she wasn’t the best ‘mentor’ on the fucking planet despite not charging me a penny.

Nothing was reduced just because a dollar amount wasn’t attached and a dollar wasn’t exchanged.

But I digress.

A couple of weeks ago, the aforementioned hottie took me up on my $50 for 30 minute deal (a rare deal since I currently charge $750 USD for a 30 minute call).

I was delighted.

Obviously her narrative had changed, and we had a beautiful call unrelated to money.

Then last week, she asked to book a second call to talk specifically about money.

Because despite investing in and offering ‘high-end’ coaching, it hadn’t really panned out, her money was almost gone, and she was starting to freak the fuck out.

I asked how much remained.

The number was hella low.

And that number turned me on because of how low it was.

Because crunch time means truth time so let’s fucking GO.

Let’s get to the guts of what was avoided when she spent and made those big dollars while by-passing the absolute truth.

Because if the investment and the sales were sourced from that (meaning there was no matter whatsoever), she wouldn’t be freaked out by this low number and she wouldn’t fear what may or may not come from this point on.

She’d also see that the anxiety isn’t from a dwindling bank account at all.

It was always there.

Reliant on, and in response to, illusory external security (and lack thereof) since the internal still lacks the stability required to feel secure regardless of externals.

Now it’s just being highlighted.

Damn, I love the crunch.

Because despite appearances, the crunch doesn’t create anything that wasn’t there already.

It just just shows you exactly where you’re at.

What you’re REALLY working with.

And how easily you can be moved.

And that you still have work to do.

Because if you’ve been using money or another as the buffer between you and YOU, you’re gonna come face to face with that in the absence of the money or the other.

Good.

Now we’re actually getting somewhere.

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Don't Pay To Get Something (An Essay)

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In a call yesterday, the fella was talking about high ticket coaches and the idea that he needed to invest in them to make those big dollars himself.

I said there’s no A to B connection.

If you’re investing in someone to make money or to ‘get’ anything, it’s not a clean move.

Sure it can ‘work’ for a while.

You might land some big ass sales.

But as long as there’s an ulterior motive, those dollars are counterfeit aka not pure which means you’ll still end up exactly where you were until you’re ready to strip everything that led you to chasing the money in the first place.

The idea of paying someone for a future something you think you don’t already have, has got to go.

Pay someone because it feels hot as fuck to play with them.

That’s it.

Not for the thing.

Not for some illusory outcome you’re banking on to get your ‘money’s worth’.

Only for the experience you can’t get anywhere else with anyone else because your being just told you so.

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Late To My Own Party (An Essay)

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Years ago I wrote,

“Why is the world so late to my party?”

Because I knew what I was.

And yet, I could barely touch HER.

And I thought (rather felt — not even consciously — only in retrospect) that if others caught on before I did, I’d somehow land in ME.

Except plenty did catch on.

Plenty saw ME long before I saw HER.

Long before I could live as HER without the split that kept me blind.

It was me not showing up for MY party.

And I didn’t even know.

All I knew was that it hurt so bad,

to feel so damn far from ME.

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“I heard someone say that you should always be a half a step ahead because otherwise a full step is too far and people aren’t able to follow along. Sure, you stand alone but like… literally all alone. I’ve always felt so far ahead and also very much alone. This need to be understood and followed by others has what has kept me waiting and idling while I hope the world will catch up. Then… before I know it, someone else has created that thing that has been incubating and was now sitting dead and unhatched. To have a finger in the pulse of something that isn’t actually alive yet takes balls and yes... big ole dick energy to carry forth into the world. Always fucking waiting for the world to catch up is a trap. Plus… it’s not even fun doing shit everyone else is doing anyway. Man, what was I thinking.” Kristin Moyer

Why You Can't Have What You Want (An Essay)

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“I can’t have the things I want.”

On what planet?

You’re the only one saying no to them every time you say YES to a NO.

Every time you say no to what would make your toes curl,

your heart race,

your edges burn

with the fire of you.

Every time you do something,

anything,

for any reason

other than it being the absolute truth,

you deny yourself,

you deny god itself (same thing),

and then wonder why your life isn’t dripping with YUM.

Everything you want is already at your feet.

If it can’t pass through,

that’s on you.

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I Call Bullshit (An Essay)

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Her: “I have to master this level first.”

Before she can make the kind of money and moves she wants to make.

Me: “Did you really just say that to me?”

We both laugh.

“Once I…” is a lie.

It is the perfect illusion / justification / delay-tactic for not making the move that your system is turned on to make / take RIGHT NOW.

Not later.

It’s basically saying: “I know that’s for me but let me ‘work on’ something else instead because I couldn’t possibly trust myself or my ability to create what I know I’m here for and keep saying that I want. I couldn’t possibly do something THAT crazy (like honour what my being is telling me to do right now) because of this illusory X that’s in the way, but I’m sure that ‘future’ me will trust me more than this me and then I’ll create what I’m here to create because by then, X will no longer exist.”

Absolute bullshit.

When you get the hit, you do it.

That’s how you collapse the illusion of X.

Because it never existed in the first place.

Get it?

You created X to avoid the true move.

When you make the true move,

X ‘disappears’.

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Dancing Around The Fire of You (An Essay)

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I had a call with a hottie who was on fire until she started talking about her work.

As she spoke about it, the energy went flat.

I remained silent.

Then she stopped talking.

She asked what just happened.

She felt the shift as well.

It wasn’t what she said about her work.

It was that nothing true was coming through.

Which is why the energy of our very alive conversation died once she started speaking about it.

Moments later, she confessed that the thing she actually wants to write about publicly and express as part of her work and full being-ness, is the exact thing she feels she can’t write publicly about because of A, B, C.

The reasons don’t matter.

The fact that she’s denying herself and betraying her system of what it naturally wants to do more than anything else right now…

and the fact that she’s been withholding that expression for quite some time…

despite already knowing exactly what the first line of that extraordinary introductory piece is going to be and all that it will contain…

for fear of ‘exposing’ the truthiest truth she has ever experienced…

for fear of how others might react to said truth…

for fear of being THAT real…

and owning the full power of that truth and that level of self-expression…

is exactly why her work is flat and nothing within it is moving.

Tears.

Not because she was sad.

But because she knew that her being and her work now requires her to ‘expose’ (her word; not mine) that perfect and beautiful truth she’s been trying to avoid speaking about.

The one thing she always writes and talks around.

Expressing everything but THAT.

That one thing that’s more potent and powerful than all the other things combined.

That one thing that will break open all the rest that lays dormant as she hides behind the words that say everything but THAT.

Dancing around the fire of truth for fear of getting burned.

And now, a new choice.

If she so dares.

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A Little Coaching Secret (An Essay)

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Even if they never talk about it publicly or directly, there is not one (great) coach / mentor / human who doesn’t regularly come up against their ‘shit’ aka their perfectly-customized conditioning and does what it takes to see through it.

Where do you think all of that brilliance and wisdom comes from in the first place?

It comes from the same shit that everyone else faces.

They’re speaking directly (albeit seemingly indirectly through their posts) from having lived through exactly what’s being spoken about.

And the only difference between them (if they’re truly walking their talk) and everyone else (the majority of people who’d rather avoid actively looking at said shit), is that they genuinely want to play this game of facing and seeing through each illusion, instead of allowing that mirage to lead their life.

Which is why they do whatever it takes to become a master of themselves instead of a slave to their illusions, because for these kinds of people, there is no other option.

They’re here for the depth and breadth of living from the core of who they are, and built into that beautifully uncompromising desire, is the requirement to face and learn how to play with all that arises; regardless of how it appears or what must be sacrificed, in order to keep playing the game at a level befitting of these rare birds, who are wholly unable to settle for anything less.

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I Could Never (An Essay)

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“Oh, I could never do that.”

'That' being the thing you think others couldn't handle or won't understand.

‘That’ being the thing you actually want to do, but won’t allow yourself to do, so you use the imagined response of said others as the excuse not to do it.

But you can and you must do that thing specifically if you want to ‘break free’ from the make-believe shackles that those supposed others have got you in.

The chains that you so brilliantly created,

and wrapped around yourself.

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Riding The Edge of Money (An Essay)

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When a friend of mine found out what I charge for a call:

Him: “Now that’s charging what you’re worth.”

Me: “No. I charge what turns me on.”

Which can change at any time.

Higher.

Lower.

Free.

Irrelevant.

I don’t associate money to (perceived) worth or value (two illusory constructs).

I play with the tension of it.

I work my way up or down with the price and the details of a specific offer until I feel a tad nervous or even nauseous about it.

Like I’m about to jump off a cliff (because energetically I am), which is just how I like it.

If the number makes me feel like, “Holy fuck. I couldn’t possibly charge THAT for XYZ.”

…then THAT is the fucking number.

No question about it.

Because it requires me to cross the same energetic threshold that my client will need to cross in order to pay it.

A turn on for us both.

When I ride my own edge, a client will need to ride theirs as well if they want to play with me on said edge.

You see?

It’s never about the number.

And it’s not about charging the most (unless that’s the truth).

It’s about selecting the sharpest point of truth and turn on, which could change from one moment, one day, one offer or one client to the next.

So I’m not attached to the number.

The moment a number feels energetically limp, I’m playing with a new one.

The new true one.

Until the next true one.

So fun.

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Stop Waiting On God (An Essay)

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Overheard while someone was talking to a friend:

“Yeah, and she said that I’m the kind of person the universe will take care of.”

Implying that there is something outside of us that will take care of some, but not all, and that this care is contingent on the type of person one is.

Oh, and that we aren’t responsible for ourselves and our creations.

Something else is.

Nah.

We are god in the flesh.

We are the universe itself.

There is no separation, except in the mind.

We don’t need to hope or wait or pray to be taken care of by another, or by some external, invisible force.

We each have the power right now to choose.

And ‘Waiting on God’ is waiting on YOU.

Doing something, anything, with the intention, hope and belief that you’ll be seen, favoured, and blessed by the gods (or god itself) is denying the power of YOU.

Nothing is outside of YOU.

YOU are all there is.

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I Know You're Ready (An Essay)

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Today in the inbox of a hottie who’s clearly been feeling my posts and is ready to fucking POP:

Me: “I know YOU are ready. So what are you waiting for?”

Her: “I’m so fucking ready. All of a sudden as if overnight, everything has shifted and I am here.”

Bingo.

I called it.

Because I felt it.

So I made the move.

She then goes on to tell me about all the magic that transpired for her yesterday and last night — including a delicious chunk of money from someone who wanted to express appreciation for work she had done for him years ago.

Me: “HOT. Perfect. Of course. Are you ready to book our call?”

Her: “Yes. Let’s do this.”

Done.

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