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Will You Get The Thing Or Not? (An Essay)

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It’s not true that once you clear the matter, you automatically get the thing.

You clear the matter and see that it was never about the thing in the first place.

You clear the matter and know you’ll be good with or without this thing (or any other thing you thought you needed / deserved / were entitled to) because there’s no longer any weight attached to it.

And…

Sure, you might get the thing.

In spades.

Or something else entirely.

Beyond what you could have imagined.

But only if / when / how it’s true for your being.

Something you can’t control.

And so what?

You’re always getting exactly what’s true for you anyways.

Like clockwork every step of the way.

Regardless AND because of the matter.

So matter can’t stop you from getting what’s yours

and being free of it also ensures it.

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Sex vs SEX (An Essay)

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in the middle of the night

he and i had a lovely conversation about sex

and not surprisingly

based on how we met and how things are unfolding

we share a similar view on play

sex for the sake of sex

hits no true spot

but the experience of SEX

that has no beginning, no middle, no end

that may or may not include penetration

that may or may not include touch or a release

that is not marked separate from a ‘non-sex’ event

(because it’s alllll SEX, baby)

that is where the magic is

that is what arouses more than a particular position or body type

more than a pre-determined set of preferences

more than a ‘this worked on her last time so i’ll just do that again’ kinda vibe

because SEX is a dance in the NOW

so you can’t bring a (past) thing with you

nor can you aim for something else

you must make each move from exactly where you are

without leaving what’s alive

without leaving YOU

because true SEX is beyond the physical

the body is just the vessel through which you play

endlessly

truthfully

fluidly

to more

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Aim Directly And You'll Miss (An Essay)

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it’s not about going after the money or the person or any thing directly

there’s no real power in an outsourced move

because when you focus on the moveable

the changeable

the malleable (illusory) thing

it prevents you from doing the only thing

that has the power to move ALL things

(keeping the focus on YOU, with each and every move)

but when you make your move

because it’s true

regardless of the money or the other

you ‘get’ who and what is made for you

you always get what’s true

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You're Not Doing The Damn Thing (An Essay)

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Announcing that you’re going to do it isn’t doing it.

Holding off until an unspecified ‘future’ point in time to do it isn’t doing it.

Inching closer isn’t doing it.

Doing it only under a pre-determined (safe) set of conditions (aka plopping it into a cute little container where you feel protected and the true edge can be minimized, softened or skipped altogether) isn’t doing it.

That’s avoidance.

It’s testing the waters because you’re still afraid to jump without something in place to cushion the fall which prevents the actual free fall that your being truly craves.

It’s the perfect delay tactic.

Making sure that the time is still not now to do the thing you know is true as you do the exact same thing you’ve been doing all along.

Staying safe and calling it by another name.

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You're Asking The Wrong Question (An Essay)

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It's not: "How do I get the clients / make the money / overcome the addiction / heal the pain / resolve this health and / or relationship 'issue'?"

It's: "When will I stop saying YES to a NO? When will I stop supressing what's true? When will I make being the living truth my full-time job regardless of who or what is in front of me?"

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The NO vs The Edge (An Essay)

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When there is a big, fat NO in my system that I didn’t catch right away,

I feel sick in my throat.

It feels like dread.

It feels heavy and icky in my gut.

Things start to feel serious, tight, restricted.

And that dense feeling eclipses everything else until I figure out where the NO must be applied and how.

It doesn’t matter that I missed / ignored it the first time or how long I kept missing / ignoring my NO.

It doesn’t even matter who or what or why.

There’s a NO in my brilliant system and to keep saying YES to it would be a lie.

And that sick feeling is proof that I missed / ignored it and kept missing / ignoring it or else it couldn’t have gotten to the point of full-blown dread.

Who cares.

New moment.

New move.

Let’s rock.

Similarly and conversely…

When there is an edge in my system, I also feel sick.

Nauseous.

Hella nervous.

Like I’m at the top of a rollercoaster about to go down.

But there is no heaviness.

No dread.

No lump in my throat at all.

Nothing feels icky.

It feels exhilarating.

Fascinating.

Fun and light and limitless.

It feels yummy and also terrifying.

It’s not knowing what the fuck is gonna happen but being so willing to take this wild ride just because it’s true, and to let my fear stop me would be a lie.

And so…

A true NO is telling me to stop.

A true edge is telling me to GO.

That’s how I know the difference.

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Why You Don't Get All The Things (An Essay)

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You don’t get ALL THE THINGS just because you’re ‘doing the work’.

You get ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE TRUE FOR YOUR BEING EVERY FUCKING STEP OF THE WAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE regardless of the work.

Which is what you’ve been getting since the moment you were born.

So doing the work doesn’t change the fact that you’re always exactly where you need to be in whatever circumstance you find yourself in that’s undoubtedly refining you beautifully.

Doing the work just ‘removes’ the illusory shit in the way of you seeing how fucking perfect it all is regardless of how it appears or what does or doesn’t happen because let’s face it, shit is always happening.

That’s life.

What is or isn’t happening is never the problem.

How we misperceive it, is.

Someone in a relationship isn’t more advanced / on track than someone not in one, and vice versa.

Someone with a fuckton of cash isn’t more advanced / on track than someone with nada, and vice versa.

Someone with a specific health condition isn’t less advanced / less on track than someone without one, and vice versa.

You can’t use external metrics to measure the quality of one’s inner experience or the precision of one’s energetic game because the work has nothing to do with the external even though, of course, it can impact it.

Things most definitely move more seamlessly when you’re actively doing the work simply because you’re not repeatedly jamming your own circuits with your own bullshit / clutter / mispercepetions / expectations.

And if you’re attached to what your ‘been doing all the work’ life should look like (the man, the fat account, 20 pounds lighter, whatever the fuck), you’re still not hitting the right spot because you’re aiming for something ‘out there’ to validate what you’re doing ‘in here’ instead of staying right here where the magic really happens (which has nothing to do with what does or doesn’t happen externally).

Doing the work (seeing through the matter) results in being okay no matter what happens and no matter what it ends up looking like, and trusting (well it’s even beyond trust — you just KNOW) that your being knows far better than you what the hottest concoction is for you every step of the way if you’d just get outta the damn way and do exactly what you know you need to do because you’re being told how to move in every fucking moment.

And it’s not that you won’t ‘get’ the cash or the man or the body whatever else it is you think you want.

It’s that you inevitably get to a place where you’re so fucking juiced even without it, that you’re not even feeling like a damn thing is missing (because nothing ever is), and you know that what’s truly for you is both inevitable and ever-present, and you know it’s the experience you’re after; not the thing itself,

as the unimaginable licks you from head to toe

in ways you never even dreamed of.

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Through The Eye Of Your Own Needle (An Essay)

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When you’re able to go through the eye of your own needle,

because you’ve remained SO. FUCKING. CLOSE. to the absolute truth of your being,

thereby becoming so energetically ‘tight’ that you fit through that very narrow space where nothing but you exists…

what’s there for you on the other side,

is the greatest ride of your life.

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You Don't Need Closure (An Essay)

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When you let a situation ‘bleed out’ (come to its natural and inevitable conclusion), you choose not to touch it because it doesn’t require an intervention.

It’s not avoidance.

It’s knowing through discernment.

It’s staying where it’s true.

Not remaining where it’s flat.

And…

It’s not true that you need ‘closure’.

To wrap things up.

To contrive an end point,

just so you can say it’s done.

It’s done the moment it flatlines.

Anything beyond that is just more of that.

So no need to state the obvious.

Or bring it back to life.

Just stay where it’s most alive,

as everything dead falls away.

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Stop Blaming A Lack of Money (An Essay)

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Lack of money isn’t the reason you aren’t living your fullest and truest life.

You are the reason you aren’t living your fullest and truest life.

And lack of money is a by-product of that self-denial.

And…

It’s not about the money.

You can have nothing in your account and still make your truest move right now.

But you use lack of money as your excuse not to do that.

It’s an easy ‘out’ from riding the edge of life and of yourself.

The perfect excuse to keep saying NO to you.

And how freaking handy to blame your self-created, restricted inner experience on that clearly-more-powerful-than-you money.

That completely-outside-of-you money.

But here’s what’s true:

That ‘restriction’ you experience financially is simply the energetic restriction you’re living in constantly, projected onto, and out-pictured through, money.

Your system is jammed.

And so are your finances.

Because money doesn’t move before you do.

It’s already here.

Where are you?

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Three Trillion Layers Deep (An Essay)

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if someone has travelled three layers deep

and you have travelled three trillion on route to a bazillion

you’re swimming in a vastness they’ve yet to taste

but can sense

in you

and in themselves

this will terrify and / or intrigue them

or feel so far from where they are that they insist it doesn’t exist

(because they don’t yet have the eyes to see what’s invisible to the eye)

they’d rather stick to what is seen and known

(like most do)

and so…

at three layers deep

with three trillion more layers beneath

and a bazillion more layers to go

they’re content with those three layers

believing that what they see is all there is

so for them, nothing feels like it’s missing

even though much has yet to be explored

they simply aren’t yet pulled to touch

the underworld of themselves

and who can blame them, really?

those depths aren’t for the masses

they’re for those

who can’t survive

let alone thrive

unless / until they freefall

into the darkness

into the abyss

into the stillness

where nothing exists

and when one comes across another

three trillion layers deep

there’s a mutual

and oh so beautiful

recognition of what it took

to arrive at those depths

where most won’t dare to swim

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The Truth About Money (An Essay)

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money

when experienced from a pure channel

has no meaning

no value

no substance

no weight

you don’t ‘earn it’ (and you do)

you don’t work for it (and you do)

it’s not an A = B equation

“If I do this, I’ll get that” (nope)

you don’t ‘deserve’ it

you’re not ‘worthy’ of it

and if you try to make it, you can’t

but most don’t play through a pure channel

they over-work in a heavily distorted one

where money really matters

it really means something

about them

about their work

about their / its supposed value or worth

so they’ll do whatever they can to make it

and for many, of course it works

because you can make all sorts of money

in all sorts of ways

from a distorted, matter-filled channel

but from a pure one

the rarest one

your options are reduced to one

there’s only one way to ‘make’ it

you can’t affirm your way there

or externally work your way there

or visualize or pray or trade your way there

you can only be here

at the zero point

where all that remains

is truth

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You Don't Have Issues (An Essay)

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You don’t have a money issue.

A health issue.

A relationship issue.

Any issue at all.

You have whatever is brought to the surface through whatever meaning you’ve projected onto whatever is happening or not happening with your account, your health, your relationships, your whatever the fuck.

Not an issue.

An invitation.

It’s not about having or not having a certain amount of money.

It’s not about having or not having a certain measure of health.

It’s not about having or not having the relationship(s) of your supposed dreams.

It’s about facing and transmuting every bit of constriction / density / matter / illusion that shows up as you navigate every single facet of life - including your finances, your health, your relationships and all the rest.

It’s not about the category.

It’s about the congestion.

And the area in which you feel the most congested / restricted / powerless, is where you think there’s an issue (naturally), but ultimately it’s just the spot that’s the ripest to fuck with (look at, challenge, and ultimately see through).

It’s your own self-generated playground to unclog, free up, and own your damn power already.

So let go of the concept of there being an issue.

There’s no such thing.

There’s just energy moving freely or temporarily getting jammed up.

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Victim + Saviour Bullshit (An Essay)

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The impulse to ‘save’ someone from their own suffering by ‘helping’, ‘fixing’, ‘holding space’, or ‘filling in the gap’,

actually affirms and prolongs it.

When you see yourself and others as you and they truly are — innately sovereign, self-governing and free — you wouldn’t dream of interrupting and slowing down the necessary burning that’s unfolding as a result of what they (as innately sovereign, self-governing, free beings) have created for themselves.

But that is precisely what you do when you say or do something from the stance of ‘poor them’, and buy into the delusion that you have what they need or possess something they don’t.

This is also why you, at your very core, don’t want to be saved (impossible anyways) when you’re in the shit.

What you actually want is to be the Master of yourself and the domain that’s housed by you.

And so do they, despite appearances.

And you can’t experience that, or activate that in another, if you still believe in victims and saviours.

There are none.

There is just you and what you choose to do or not do in this and every moment with each and every person as the innately sovereign, self-governing and free being that you are.

And…

Dropping saviour-mode is not about being a heartless jerk as you watch another suffer.

It’s about seeing them clearly (powerful as fuck) and seeing what’s happening clearly (illusion running the show) and only doing what you genuinely feel pulled to do from that clean / clear spot of knowing; not from an illusory victim / saviour stance.

Because the only reason you’d ever jump into saviour-mode in the first place is because you actually believe in victims and you’re arrogant and silly enough to believe that you can actually save them.

#isaidwhatisaid

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The Anomaly (An Essay)

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In complete stillness, what surrounds you is a vortex that spits out almost everything and everyone.

Matter is destroyed on contact.

Making it nearly impossible for anyone to make it through the tunnel unscathed, if at all.

The level of purity (lack of density) required for another to reach that still point of you, is immense.

And incredibly rare.

Making it that much more potent and extraordinary when an anomaly enters the scene.

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You Don't Need Boundaries (An Essay)

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Standards, boundaries and thresholds are what you create / enforce / adhere to / require when your energy doesn’t speak for itself, when you don’t actually trust yourself, and your choices aren’t sourced from the truth of each moment.

Trying to regulate / control your environment by making sure that others know you’re not available / only available for X, Y, Z, and then monitoring and dealing with any ‘transgressions’,

and being rigid on a particular stance that was conditioned or intellectually chosen in the past (which has no bearing on what’s actually true for you in the present without that contrived overlay),

is an attempt to do in the physical what you’re unable to do in the non-physical.

When your energy is intact, you don’t need to ‘manage’ who or what’s around you.

At all.

Built into your complete trust in, and devotion to, yourself and the truth of each moment - is your true standard - which is energetic; not condition-based, and THAT is what’s actually applied to all people and circumstances.

Not with words.

With your energy.

Without even trying because it’s integral to who you are.

From that place, you’re only available for something very specific.

Something you never have to name or explain or even think about.

It just is.

And those who don’t meet that very specific standard in that particular moment, don’t even make it through.

Not because you created a threshold or checked them at the door.

But because there actually IS a threshold.

And those who can’t withstand it,

just turn and walk away.

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Money is Malleable (An Essay)

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Energetically speaking, there’s no difference between $5, $500, $5,000, $50,000, $5,000,000.

It’s what you add to the equation (the matter you create around a specific number or even the concept of money itself) that generates the illusion of one number being larger than the other.

The illusion that one number is inherently easier or more difficult to ‘acquire’ / ‘manifest’ / ‘receive’ than another.

The illusion that a smaller amount will take less ‘time’ to ‘make’ than a larger amount (or any ‘time’ at all).

The illusion that money means or says something / anything about you or anyone else.

The illusion that money has value.

The illusion that money is even real.

It’s not.

Money, just like every other piece of matter in your field, is a malleable illusion to play with as you wish.

Yet most people don’t play.

Especially with money.

Their experience of it is heavy.

And oh-so serious.

They perceive it as limited.

As a source of great stress.

As a reason to envy or judge others, or to even judge themselves.

But on its own, money is nothing.

The idea that it’s fixed or solid,

as well as the experience / illusion / density

of stress, fear, worry, envy, judgment and limitation around it…

is created by you; not money.

But it’s easier to blame money than to take full responsibility for yourself, your perceptions and your experience in any given moment.

Kinda like blaming someone else for your shitty day.

Not the vibe.

You’re not powerless to money — or to anything or anyone else for that matter.

And…

When you stop imposing yourself on money, and you stop adding matter to the illusion of it, and you stop making it responsible for — the reason for — your feelings of perceived success, worthiness, happiness, safety, security, comfort, freedom and protection (or lack thereof),

money can move in ways and in sums and at speeds you can’t even imagine.

And…

you could ‘lose’ it all and not give a damn.

Because your wealth is always here.

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